Monday, December 31, 2012

thanks ama for loving che~


"Dark Side"
by Kelly Clarkson

Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay

Sunday, December 30, 2012

^^ Nearly Strike 2013...New Year Eve ^^

so, it is actually just a day of yours to use up...
same day, same 24 hours, same sun shine and same birds sing in the middle of morning...
what make it so special?
new year eve is sometime even more exciting than new year itself...haha
because it is the last day of u to be in certain year that shall past in any minute...
2012
shall past and never come back again...
so, typical thing that people do on new year eve?
celebrating?
crying?
hugging?
cuddling in front of movie?
studying n not even notice the clock is ticking to 2013?
whatever you do and wherever you are folks....i wish all of you 
~HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013~
and happy enjoying the last day of 2012...
happy enjoying new year eve, and happy sketching your own new year resolution!;)))

old memories shall past, new one shall come...
hurts, tears, stress, happy, laugh, smiles
all shall be kept in a box of memories...
keep there and make it shines no matter what else year to come...
because memories is full of lovely time, lessons, and journey of your own life...
shall smile and greet 2013 with warm, new hopes, and WILL to change!

God, forgive us all
and thank God for such a lovely, full of lessons year...
i shall remember 2012 for the rest of my life~

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Have Faith!



''Faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty.''

''Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!''

New Year will come...New Chapter Shall Begin

''It's okay if your patience is running thin with a flighty friend -- and it's perfectly okay to take a break from spending time with them. Relationships go through phases, and it's just not healthy to pretend that your feelings for someone else never go through changes. Right now, you need to clear up your emotions about this person, and get your distance. Figure out what they add to your life -- and figure out if you are adding anything to theirs. Are you just friends out of habit?''

''Now is a good time to hunker down and take stock -- what do you want to get rid of before you celebrate New Year's? It's the perfect time for emotional clearing, even if you're all alone.'' 

it shall be that way then...i shall move on with brave and stop wandering the past...it's time for the passed to be past. New Year is coming :))) add happiness to yourself :))) stop thinking bout the past and move on as a break free bird. Break away with smile and shines :))) Happy New Year 2013!!! :)))

Friday, December 28, 2012

i've changed

i find out, i've changed...
since 'tsunami' hit me last time...
i care more...
i hear more...
i try more...
and of course most care people hurt the most...
i miss my friends...
when they don't, as they are so busy with their stuffs, so i guess it's a wrong timing...and i've been annoying...
at home i try my best to be a good daughter, and yes, i've been better at it...
studying stuff also getting better with schedules and all,
i try on diet again since i gain like 4 kgs for last months >.<
sleep? i try to make it better...
still keep on tract...but not that good of course...
my emotion peaks as i'm so alone...
however,
thanks God for making me realize who is actually there for me...
who is always care for me even she's busy...
thanks for a hearing session, daily;pp 
thanks Rin...
u always there ever since...
really thank you...
and i will be stronger and will be less attention seeker to those who don't deserve it...
i can't help myself to think bout them...
but i will get better...
they will get what they deserve...
thanks God for such hard time u put me through so that i can see things...
thanks for those who always care for me...
Ama...
Rin...
Nock...
Pem...
Za...
they are precious :)))
i can tell, having numberless people in your life doesn't mean a thing 
when they are totally fake and meaningless

God, save these precious people of mine,
so that we will be happy, saved from trouble...
God, forgive me if i used to blame u and fate...
i know i need better me...
i know i need to be matured...
Forgive me God and Thank You :))

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

God of Study, Read it...Worth.



God of Study 
-Korean Drama-
Summary for Motivational Purpose ;

(Do you ever feel like you can't keep going anymore? Do you ever feel like it has no use to start now?
Do you ever feel like, you not worth any success? Watch this drama. It works for me. And here, i prepared some reviews on the drama if you have no time to watch all;ppp)

Epi 1, Epi 2 & Epi 3

Tell me;
On even how much impossible it is to start on something, but remember, when you don’t start, you won’t be doing it, and if you not doing it, you won’t be able to finish it. Starting step or what we call, first step is always the hardest. However, once you step on it and keep going, you will figure out just how to keep going.
In study wise, to excel, the key point is ‘study’. Study is the only way to get you where you want. Study hard and get excellent mark is the starting point to where your dream lies.

Epi 4, Epi 5, Epi 6, Epi 7, Epi 8;

Tell me;
On no matter what comes to bring you down, no matter what challenge come to make you lose grab on your study, you must get hold on it. The problem, the situation can be as big as family problems, friendship, love, relationship or even between teacher and student. Just don’t put your eyes of your goal.  You already choose to study. So choose to stick on it. To the end. No matter what.

 Epi 9, Epi 10;

Tell me; 
Appreciate your teachers and friends who study together. Get through thick or thin together. Don’t be selfish. Help each other out. Study is not only to get all information into your head but also to keep good attitude as study etiquette. True study etiquette is to get the knowledge by, with or from good ways and to share around.

 Epi 11;

Tell me; 
Don’t stop trying. No matter the world is going to end, no classroom to study, or no material at all, all you need the most is desire. Desire to study. Just don’t let it goes off. Keep on study. Keep on trying. Find your own way. Get through it. Even when you are left alone.

Epi 12;

Tell me; 
Get over your weaknesses while studying. Sleepy, tired, condition while study, or even ‘past’ that keeps haunting you. Get over all of your weaknesses. Win it. Try to find way to win it no matter what. Because you know you can’t success by having a whole load of laziness, sleepy head, lose concentration easily luggage. All, overcome it! And do remember what your goal is. Do remember!
 
Epi 13;


Tell me;
Such a sin it is, to not be a good student. How much a sin it is to not have good grades. So, study hard. So you won’t be such a sinner anymore. So you will be a saint. So you won’t be in the darkness anymore.

Epi 14;


This episode does reflect on me. Very much.
This episode tells me not to be too scared. Not to give up in the middle of the way just because you fail the minor test. You can do better than that. Believe it and try again. Don’t give up just because your marks just never get better. Instead, think. Think why your marks never get better. Think of resolution to get it better. It is because you are too scared? It is because you keep telling yourself that you are going to fail no matter what, no matter how much you try? Get over it. Get your mark better by throwing away all doubt that you have on your own capability. You have tried your best, you have tried even harder than the rest of others. So why give up when it is not paid off? Make it paid off! Make it counts. Every second, every minute of your study, make it counts. Let’s not be scared anymore! Get off fear with faith and BRAVE!

Epi 15& Epi 16;


Exam. Do your best.

Applying to further study, apply what you want. Apply what you seek for. And accept it. No matter you get it or not. Accept the truth and move on. You get, you try your best at it. You don’t get, try again, until you get where your destiny lies.

Appreciate your teacher. Don’t ever forget what have they helped and done to make us who we are today.



Thank you for such a beautiful and motivational  drama ever.
Every time i feel down bout my study, i will just watch it again and again.
And it works every time!
The spirit to study, the spirit to overcome giving up, the spirit to be better just come to me!
Thank you. Really really really thank you.

NeW yEaR reSoLutiOn~

so, 2013 is just around the corner!! \(^_^)/
it's time for New Year Resolution!

2012 Resolution??
mine;

- graduated (done)
- lose some weights (done but not good enough)
- good daughter (still doing)
- good friend (still doing)
- good student (done but just an average)

so that's all for last year...hehe i mean this year...
next year?
(another 6 days to come)

0fficial Sumithra's 2013 Resolution;
1) good daughter
2) good person, good Buddist
3) good student
4) good friend
5) good grand daughter
6) good good good good good
7) manage to push myself to any college for bachelor degree
8) better in decision making
9) matured
10) wiser
11) lose some more weight
12) love study, love knowledge, love books, curious
13) care

these are my resolution that i can think off now....
13 resolution for 2013...
i don't like 13...it makes me think of 4 and a bad bad luck...
that's my stupid belief since small...i don't like 4, 13 stuff...
however, hope this new year will bring more matured me and stronger me to be able to fight
any challenge comes in life...
i want to be reliable....
i want to be successful...
and most important..
i want to be loved...
because nothing can give u such a strong energy to fight each day compare to 'love'....
thanks to my mum, my granny, my teachers, my lecturers, and my friends, for such a warm love
that have been pouring on me all this long...
it's time to pay back...
it's time to give more than take...
it's time for me to brave enough to smile to love...
and to accept that only love can bring me through the day...
not respects, not pride, not status, not power, not wealth...
nothing can compare to love...
God, forgive me...
and thank you for such a lovely, adventurous, and full of memories 2012...
i won't forget any lessons i get out of it...
i'll keep going...
and hope 2013 is going to be as awesome as 2012 and even more awesome!!! 

!!HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!!
(hope it's not too soon;ppp)

Monday, December 24, 2012

Sunday, December 23, 2012

hard to handle

i am hard to handle, that is what my mum said, my friends said and 
many more become-stranger people said bout me...
i am..indeed hard to handle :))) shamelessly admit this~
yeah...
i don't know...
it's just occur to me i think something twice or maybe triple of what people think,
and i don't like handle other people who is as hard as me or even harder...
i feel tired just to care how much they become difficult with me....
and i always hate on how ego, self-center and selfish they can be....
but of course i can accept it...i just don't like to handle it....
so do they...
must be same reason...
they must be having such a hard time handling me...i know that....
but on top of that, true relationship reveal itself when that person can handle me well, 
and i love to handle them the way they are...
and it is quite hard to meet one of those...
of course i got some...but it's getting lesser n lesser...haha
normal, u can't have whole world of best friend right?;p
i just wish the one that i got now will be able to handle me, we'll handle each other through
tough or thin for more long time...
nothing is forever, and even if it is forever, forever can be such a short of time....
God, bless us all...
forgive us...

3 types of friends:

there are 3 types of friends from my point of view;

1) A friend that you think as a friend and he does think you as a friend.

2) A friend that you think as a friend but he never think you as friend.

3) A friend that think you as his friend but you never do think he as a friend.

these are major types of friendship i got to know...

and i end up always at no.2 type...
i don't know...just never really get it back...
never get that love and trust back....
all i know is they are so happy to see me down, 
they are so wanna know my story so they can tell around,
they are so focus at how many cents i have,
they are so keen to have my opinion on their new dress but never even notice i have one,
there are so busy telling me their problems but never really listen to mine...

maybe i'm just a phone booth...
they drop by, the make a call and they left....

maybe i'm just a bed side bear, i have to be there always, 
but they will just come when they're sleepy... 

guess what, i really tired of it...
and i don't like on the fence people...
there is just nobody dare to choose side if it's with me...
they are always on the fence thinking where to go...
and i'm just an option...
well, tell you what, go to hell...
 


Saturday, December 22, 2012

strength....where are u?

when i scheduling my day for study stuff,
all of my strength to stay fix to it is non! >.<
God...i wish i have that strength...
i wish i can be more discipline and live my life with more efficiency...
how can other people do that??
how can they be so discipline in their life??

wake up early...
eat properly....
balance....
top score...
remember everything...

if only i have half of both...my life will be better!
let's hope i'm gonna fix to it to the end...
i need a month on spm review...
another 2 months for FIS...
and 3 months for entrance....
God, forgive me...
God, safe me...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

yeah that will be it....

yeah, that will be it...
i need to change...
in other to do that, i have to eliminate my all-day-addict things...
so that i can focus...
that will be it...
so now...let's pray i can control the other thing the to-change list of mine...
God, give me strength....

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Genetically related

i never know him...
i never even call him 'Appa'
i never even know what it's like to have him by my side, or to have a more than 2 person in a family...
but do u believe in heredity personality?? heredity guts? and heredity view??
it's true...
i never see how he walks...
i never see how he laughs...
i never see how he speaks, i don't even know how his voice be sounded like...
but..
every inch of him...
is actually there inside me....
my mum said;
u like guitar? just like him...
u don't like that?? just like him...
u do this thing this way?? out of million people...only him will do it this way...u just like him...
but
every time my mum said that...
i'll record it in my mind and will never do it again...
because i never forget and forgive him...never...
however,
why i keep want someone that i don't even know??
why i keep missing someone who barely know my existence??
why i keep repeat doing something that keep reminding me that i'm actually apart of him??
because i'm his daughter...
the way i think, the way i walk, the way i react to things which is written in the DNA can't be changed...
i'm so much like him that i am sometime wanna run away from impossible, run away from myself~
i never have him by my side, he never been there for me...
but
heredity thingy...make me feel like he's always there...always there with me...
always been there within me...
every time i miss him...i will just....look at myself in the mirror...
because i even have his nose, his mouth, his cheek, and shape....
Thank God for such a valuable rule...
at least, i know my father...from myself~

we'll heal our scars by fulfilling our dream...

"Learn Me Right"
By MUMFORD & SONS (with Birdy)
-Brave-

Though I may speak some tongue of old
Or even spit out some holy word
I have no strength with which to speak
When you sit me down and see I’m weak

We will run and scream
You will dance with me
We’ll fulfill our dreams and we’ll be free

We will run and scream
You will dance with me
We’ll fulfill our dreams and we’ll be free

We will be who we are
And they’ll heal our scars
Sadness will be far away

So I had done wrong but you put me right
My judgement burned in the black of night
When I give less than I take
It is my fault my own mistake

We will run and scream
You will dance with me
We’ll fulfill our dreams and we’ll be free
We will be who we are
And they’ll heal our scars
Sadness will be far away

Monday, December 17, 2012

Brave

i ran through movie lists to download and just notice i haven't watch BRAVE...
cute girl who determines on her own choice....
even risks her family just to make her idea right...
but turns out, various lessons learned by her and her mum...
i can't say enough how much this movie is closed to my situation...
i can't say how much it snatches away few tears of mine
in every part of Merida and her mother, Elinor going through things...
i've been there...
so selfish, ready to sacrifice anything just to make sure i can catch my dream...
but turns out, i risk more than that...
i risk my mum's time, feeling and hope...
she must have been really disappointed by what had happened...
i'm so sorry mum...
and i'm glad that i already told her on how sorry i feel...

'Mum, you have changed.' Merida
 'No, we both have'  Elinor 

yeah, that's exactly what happen to me and my mum too...
we changed...
we talk more, understand each other more and most important,
for the very first time in my life,
i share everything that happen to me in my life with her, and so does her...
i'm glad to tell every single thing that i've kept since small...
and i'm glad that she's opened to me now...
we are now so happy to be with each other...
not like before...argue, argue n argue, countless~

God, i'm glad that i have today...
i'm glad that i have this terrible problem that leads me to something priceless...
...LESSONS and LOVE...

mum, thanks for every trust u have in me...really thank you :))))
I HAVE THE BEST MUM IN THE WORLD!!!! :))))

but now...i still wondering of what we'll do whether it will be fine or not...
however,
no matter what's going to be happened in future...
i'm not that afraid anymore, because i know, my mum is always there for me :))))

smell the fresh airrrrrr



smell the fresh air of the morning....
smell the upcoming 2013...
i'm a very very very horoscope freak!><
and next year :(((
my life will be in such trouble and if i wanna succeed...i need to work real hard for it!!
yeahh actually i'm sort of know exactly what it is meant...
i need to work hard..yeah i am...
i'm taking another step of risk what...
risk my time,
risk my money (no actually my mum's;pp)
and risk my energy....

God, hope it will turn out the best for me...
i'll keep trying...
to the best!!!
God, forgive me~

Sunday, December 16, 2012

one question

one question that strikes me quite hard by one of my friend, 

how to be humble?

it is indeed a very hard question to answer as me myself is asking myself the same thing....
how to be humble??
what is humble??
i ran through the meaning in a dictionary of mine and fine out;

Humble(adj) - Someone is humble when he believes that he is no better, cleverer, 
or more important than other people. You humble when you sacrifice your pride, 
i.e to beg for something, or to apologize.

so, from what i got...i simply ask myself, do i humble enough,when i say i am humble??
do i actually humble? or just one conceit person who never know who she actually is?
am i too conceit that i don't know how to be humble?
what do i conceit about?

status? 
-just a commoner-

cleverness? 
-just an average student-

arrogant? never apologize?
-based on people i encounter-

well, i never know who i am towards other people unless i'm in the other people view which is impossible...
i just hope that i'm not that conceit with what i have....
of course in this world there are those who better than u and those who less...
this world, u can't always be right, n u can't always be wrong...

i just got another question in my head...
now that i'm going through such a hit in my life...
does that mean i'm not staying on the ground and do something in my league??
it is that wrong to dream too high for me?
that God will need to drag me to the same position of all the time??
am i that conceit towards my own self that i forgot to be humble and self reflect??

well, time will answer everything since i have another 'not staying on the ground stuff' to do...
another shot that i pick for my own life....
God, does humble mean i can't do this?
it is because of money, or because of my own head that is not suit to be?
God, i'm scared of my own decision...
i'm scared that i will bring myself down....not you~
God, please guide me through these...
i know i'm not that humble person of yours...
i know i dream too high...
i know i want more than i should get....
just another chance...
if i fail again...then it must be it...
i'm not meant to be one~

true friend

what i've experienced....
a true friend is real hard to find...

out of all those surround u...u just need to find the true one...
and it is called best friend...
for me...it is just so damn hard to find one...
u can have a bunch of friends but a true one?? u might find yourself don't have one...

bunch of friends;

who choose to keep pride as award before u....REJECTED

who betray u with speechless 'knife on the back' thing....REJECTED

who just wanna suck money, only-help,.....REJECTED

who can't take u as who u are, and tend to tell the world how weird u are.....REJECTED

who complain every single step of u but never try to fix their ownself...REJECTED

who care only when u are on the top of the world....REJECTED

who smile at u but then talk bunch of rubbish bout u at the back....REJECTED

....and a whole lots more....

i might also be in someone else fake list....
i might also have done something stupid back then while i call my self a friend...
nobody is perfect i know...

but to restore friendship is like once wise man said; It's like restoring the broken glass...
it's impossible....
because people have memories and brain tend to take it as lessons, revenge, no-entry thing...
that's why even we manage to ease the past, but all we do is pretend that it is going to be ok, 
but it is actually not at all...

u might still never get 'sorry' from those who should say it, but turns out u the one who say it...
u might still wish someone never ever betray u....but yet u just need to pretend like they doing nothing wrong...
u might still explain yourself days n nights so that those u love understand u...but turns out they don't
u might find yourself happy to meet someone but they don't even care your existence...

from all the not resolve thing..it made up  a broken trust and made up  a protection so that u won't 
get back to the same position and have the same thing again...
because u know how much they don't appreciate u...
by never say sorry,
never accept,
never know they are betraying u,
never enjoy happy time with u...
all this insensitive people who being insensitive towards u but complete sensitive and care the others, 
can be REJECTED from the 'true' list...

you can say nobody is perfect, 
you can say better never look at the past,
you can say memories are beautiful...

yes, everything above is correct, but how can imperfect person going to take it in??
nobody actually do as they say...
all they can do is advice other people so that they can cover their own mistake....
but i can see none of them actually do as they say, as they advice me to...nobody~

so let's just live our life...
because u can't seek diamond from a water...
u need a rock, sand to do that...
even the water might freeze itself and seems like one...but still it can be broken easily....
not like the true diamond rock...
not even close~

Thursday, December 13, 2012

There's still spark in me...there is~


"Firework"
by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

that cold...

that one coldest day, that u feel it creeps up ur spine, chilling every nerve and eat ur brain up...
digesting ur heart one beat by one beat....

that day of LONELINESS....

it's cold...dark...gloom and icy deathly chilling ur soul...
that is the power of loneliness...
that is how much it can destroy once heart...
to be lonely...
so cold...
so far...
so detach...
so dark...
i just...just need the warm...
warm love that can heal this coldness...
where is it??
i'm not alone...
but i feel so lonely....
God, what should i do??


....save me....

Saturday, December 08, 2012

gonna start new chapter...

i can feel such a little bit faith u have in me...
but this little bit is such a power for me to prove myself that i worth more out of u...
i'm gonna make u know that i know what i'm doing...
and i'm gonna make u proud...
ama, just be patient...
we'll go through this with FAITH and PATIENT....
God knows we r trying....
i'm gonna make u proud...
I PROMISE

Friday, December 07, 2012

all those toxic~

all those toxic can go to hell...
i don't want u to be toxic in my life n i don't want to be yours either
understand??
bla..bla..bla..bla..bla..
care bout me, love me, my ass~
can go to hell....
any floor u want~

Thursday, December 06, 2012

i wish i understand....

"Sumithra darling, the key to success is succeeding at knowing yourself, and you can't get to know yourself until you suppress your inner struggles." -Anita-

forgive??

there is one thing i won't be able to forgive no matter how long it takes....

MYSELF

i don't think i can ever forgive myself...
ever...

Monday, December 03, 2012

Payphone


Payphone 
by Maroon 5

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?

Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember
The people we used to be
It's even harder to picture
That you're not here next to me
You say it's too late to make it
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted
All of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can't expect me to be fine
I don't expect you to care
I know I've said it before
But all of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone...

Man work that sh*t
I'll be out spending all this money while you sitting round
Wondering why it wasn't you who came up from nothing
Made it from the bottom
Now when you see me I'm stunning
And all of my cars start with the push up a button
Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you call it
Switched the number to my phone
So you never could call it
Don't need my name on my show
You can tell it I'm ballin'
Swish, what a shame could have got picked
Had a really good game but you missed your last shot
So you talk about who you see at the top
Or what you could've saw
But sad to say it's over for
Phantom pulled up valet open doors
Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for
Now ask me who they want
So you can go and take that little piece of sh*t with you

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I'll be sick

Now I'm at a payphone...

take it as lesson, why waste it?

i'll take this as lesson....
at least, i can have such a time to think bout what i want in life...
it is so chaotic back then to make the decision...
this time, when the time come, i'll firm n go for one...
i'll follow the pros n cons that i've listed...
not just follow my selfish mind...
i think i know what i need to do now...
i think i know...

Saturday, December 01, 2012

what it takes??

what it takes to be better??
what it takes to make thing happens??
what it takes to have God blessing for every plan of yours??

there is silent reply for every shout of mine...
i'm tired searching for God blessing...
it used to be there....right in front of me...but i take it for granted and never appreciate it...
now i have to live with my stupid decision not to take what God blesses me...
if i am to ask for one more time, one more chance, will that be selfish? and shameless??
God...i'm so screwed....
God...i'm searching for your help...
i'm searching for your pity...
:(((((((((