what if...

what if i choose upm back then??
what if i choose to make it easier on others compare to my self?
what if i don't think about my dream back then but thinking about my mum...

if so...now that i already blessed with crowd of animals' knowledge, frens and whole lots more exciting life in kl...
i am now will be stressing out bout my first test...now that i am trying my best to say i like this...i like this...i love this...

compare to know that i have been dwelling with uncertainty and already risk half 100 grand...for uncertainty...
now that i can do nothing but pray that life will bring less sorrow...
now that i am suffering even to here...when??

i donno back then...i donno how much i have to fight...i donno that i can't bear it...

God...i already made a stupid decision...and now that i try my best to stick to it...
with regret on how much i have been dreaming of wonderful but in reality it is not...
how much i have crumbled your bless with lots of opportunities back then...
now that i can do nothing but pray...even shout for you to hear me...
wish that my life will be blessed again...which it is kind of impossible...
how many time can a person get chance?
how many time can a person get bless?

i screw it up...i am...and now that i am shouting to the world that i am defeated by fate...defeated by my own stupid decision..i am crying over the moon...the sun...the stars...to at least give me chance to breathe...
and make it right...and give me strength to fight it...

i am begging universe to give me support...
with all merits i have done so far...
hope it can help me go through this hardship...
to be able to fight back all kam that i've got to bear...
help me...