i can't tell how much...

i just can't utter the word worry...i just can't express it out...
if i do...it gonna effect her...she is even more worry than me..
i know...
but God...right now...i'm like a mad person....
like having stoke inside of my heart n mind...
i can't think right, i can't feel right about it...
i can't think positive even if i want to...so badly...
God, i'm worrying...i'm worrying...i'm worrying...and i'm in suffering...
God...why it is always hard on me?? why the rain is just pour on me??
why others are so easy getting where they want to...get what they want but me...is just so hard...
God, i try...i try...i try...to be those who's fine in anything...
i try my best...to be a good Buddhist, a good daughter, a good human...but it is just so hard...
i'm suffering in my own delusional worry...
and how to get rid of it??
i pray day n night...i wish in every prayer of mine...wish one day...my life will be blessed and easy a bit...
i pray to u...for all merits i have done...just make it easier on me...God...i'm begging u...