ottokaji??

ottokaji?ottoke??

i am in the dark for quite sometime...but tonight, i cry to the heart content...n i see something...
i see my self...why am i so lonely?why am i so helpless?n why am i so pathetic being played by fate?
n why i can't angry...why i can't pissed off...n why i can't blame anyone...but me
i choose it...from the choices God let me have...but actually to be clear...the is no choice to make...because in your life...the thing u want is actually 1 thing...the other that make it becomes 'lists' is just surrounding, family, friends and a whole lots more things we need to think of...so choice become choices...
and that is the hardest part...when u choose what u want n neglect what surrounding says bout rules n what u need to do...that is the hardest part because u are not insane n not emotionless...u still feel guilty as a human...u can't be selfish 100%...no matter whom...u just can't be a 100% bad ass...
and that is why life is so hard...because it is not easy to say what is not ok to be ok for you...
all u want is a life that no one else can sacrifice for you...but at the end...u just let everyone else sacrifice for u...because u want or not...people need each other...help out...and that is the hardest part to accept...a help~
because..u want to be independent...
and in this world...a true one...word independent means selfish...because...is not just u don't take someone else help...u also won't help anyone...so, u just make those who need you suffer without a single help...

now what to do? i get more help than i deserve...n how am i gonna repay??? n it seems like i'm gonna need it for such a long time before i can grow my own wings...before i can take u fly with me...still long way to go...
just want to say...this is not easy for me..it is never is~