afraid of failing...afraid of success

"I'll get to it later" has led to the downfall of many a good employee. After too many "laters" the work piles up so high that any task seems insurmountable. Procrastination is as tempting as it is deadly. The best way to beat it is to recognize that you do indeed procrastinate. Then you need to figure out why. Perhaps you are afraid of failing? (And some people are actually afraid of success!)"

believe...just keep believing....

"Hall Of Fame"

(feat. Will.I.Am)

Yeah, you can be the greatest

You can be the best

You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world

You could beat the war

You could talk to God, go banging on his door

You can throw your hands up

You can beat the clock 

You can move a mountain

You can break rocks

You can be a master

Don't wait for luck

Dedicate yourself and you gon' find yourself

Standing in the hall of fame 

And the world's gonna know your name

'Cause you burn with the brightest flame

And the world's gonna know your name 

And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

You can go the distance

You can run the mile

You can walk straight through hell with a smile

You could be the hero

You could get the gold

Breaking all the records they thought never could be broke

Yeah, do it for your people

Do it for your pride

How you ever gonna know if you never even try?

Do it for your country

Do it for your name

'Cause there's gonna be a day...

When you're standing in the hall of fame 

And the world's gonna know your name 

'Cause you burn with the brightest flame 

And the world's gonna know your name 

And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

Be a champion, be a champion, be a champion, be a champion

On the walls of the hall of fame

Be students

Be teachers

Be politicians

Be preachers

Be believers

Be leaders

Be astronauts

Be champions

Be truth seekers

Be students

Be teachers

Be politicians

Be preachers

Be believers

Be leaders

Be astronauts

Be champions

Standing in the hall of fame 

And the world's gonna know your name 

'Cause you burn with the brightest flame 

And the world's gonna know your name 

And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

(You can be a champion)

You could be the greatest

(You can be a champion)

You can be the best

(You can be a champion)

You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

(You can be a champion)

You could beat the world

(You can be a champion)

You could beat the war

(You can be a champion)

You could talk to God, go banging on his door

(You can be a champion)

You can throw your hands up

(You can be a champion)

You can beat the clock

(You can be a champion)

You can move a mountain

(You can be a champion)

You can break rocks

(You can be a champion)

You can be a master

(You can be a champion)

Don't wait for luck

(You can be a champion)

Dedicate yourself and you gonna find yourself

(You can be a champion)

Standing in the hall of fame

i know....

ok let's see how's my life here...

Unpad, Jatinangor, Bandung, Indonesia

it has been 2 months i'm here...nothing much, same food, same people, same environment...

maybe slightly different la...but i might say...nothing much...

now i'm going through Mid Term Examination...it's the very first exam i have here as medical student...

first paper just passed...i mean the exam..not the paper..haha result not yet out, but hopefully will pass...sathuk...

others;

BHP,

SOOCA,

PHOP,

FBS II

yup...another 4 to go...and all are kinda killing to me especially SOOCA and FBS II...

today was FBS I....and i can feel that i screwed it up real bad...but God...i do what i can do...and i will try harder next time...God, i'm so sorry...i wasted my chance...i'm really3 sorry :(((

let's talk bout SOOCA...

one and most famous exam around here...every time seniours come,  

this is what they will talk about...

SOOCA is sort of oral test...but not a normal one...it's a problem based learning that

most of medical uni will apply on students...

you will be given a case, and from there you have to discuss about the mechanism, fbs, treatment and plus ethics...

It's a fun exam actually...it's like you will be 'interviewed' by two doctors....so the students will learn lots of new things especially diseases that normally will only learn in year 2 or 3 above...but now, we in year one, already learn a bit about it...so it kinda expose us to future lessons...

wish me luck!

i'm really hoping i will pass all the exams and can get myself Malaysia government loan...haihhh

God, i can say it's so hard...but i chose it...

so, all i can do now is just doing my best and hope the best from that....

sathuk...

God, give me strength...

it seems like things have been changing a little...

before, all i was thinking is just to fulfill my mum's wish and of course my own, but then, i found the knowledge is pretty thrill to be learned, everything is like puzzles to be solved, but later after that, i found out that, to learn, to be able to apply and to make someone else happy by helping them is even so much better...my perception about this carrier evolves from time to time...i am so surprise by what i get to know in my daily journey here...i am wondering what will i know tomorrow....

p/s; my first exam is coming...in like...10 days? God, give me strength to go through it....sathuk.....

bring me through...

God...please bring me through...

i will remember....

i will remember how hard my life is....

how it is impossible to just buy rice to eat...

how it is impossible to just buy ticket and go home....

and how hard it is to always have to think about money, study, and motivate myself not to give up...not even when life tells me every possible to just give up...

i don't know why i keep holding on...

i seriously don't know....

still haunted by worries

no matter where i go, no matter how far i walk...one thing that for sure will track me down is WORRIES....
then come FEARS...and then all i need to do to make sure i can deal with it is...be BRAVE....but it is not easy...really...sometime, u just need someone else to help you with the 'brave building'...but not every time u will have someone by ur side, and not everyone can help u that way...God...i'm so thankful that whenever i am lost...i can always pray to You, ask You for guidance....i'm so sorry if anyway i have forgotten You...God, forgive me....

so much of guilt to bear....so tired....

i never know....

i never know my dream will bring me so much of sorrow rather than happiness...

i'm so thinking that it will make me happy...but now i know...it's not....

it brings me so much of guilt, so much of sorries, so much of not-belong feeling...

because there is those who's suffering just to make sure i'm here...doing what i've always wanted to do...

how can i be happy in such state? how can i focus? how can i bear that much of torturing??

God...why i always am made wrong decision? 

why i've always ended up being where i'm not suppose to be?

where and how can i fix myself? how can i adapt to this?

God...there's so much sorrows i brought to her....

she's suffering, i'm suffering...no one's happy...but why i even choose to be here?

it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...

i shouldn't have be so sure of it...i'm just still a stupid me...no matter what i do...

i just will never be able to grow up...

in this age of mine, in this decision of mine...i'm the stupidest...no one can compare to me...

i left her alone...struggling with bills...no daughter around...just receive a call every night...

with sad voice saying sorry over and over again...

God...she doesn't deserve this...why i end up hurt her more than making her proud?? 

the only way to help out is to get good result and get myself study loan...

God...bring me through...please...i must do this for her!

Give me strength...so i can go through all the guilts...and so i can make sure i can help her out....

...You're gonna Hear Me ROAR....

"Roar"

by KATY PERRY

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sat quietly, agreed politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR...

Roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR... 

i'm in scared....

God, i'm in scared...

i'm finally i get what i want but i'm scared i'm going to screw it up...

i'm scared i can't grab on it long enough...

i'm scared i'm not as good as anybody else....

i'm scared i can't do it...

i'm scared i'll drop out...

i'm scared i can't catch up...

i'm scared God...i'm so scared...

these fears in me make me chill and trapped in darkness....

when people laugh...i can't even laugh along with them...

my head keep thinking what should i do so that i won't 'collapse'...

God...bring me through these...

i can't study with fears up my sleeves...

God...only you i can cry to...only you i can find shelter...

people are looking at me...

they are waiting...wait for good news...not bad one...

God...protect me....help me...bring me through....

God...guide me through this fear...

i'm so lost....

banyak nyer cabaran...

nak study satu hal...

orang2 sekeliling satu hal....

diri sendiri satu hal...

God, give me strength...

let me figure things out...

let me be able to know what should i do...

Let these people being blessed with your love...

so they will be happy...so i will be happy...

let them know what consideration is cause

i'm trying my best to shout out what i need as well as what i've given them...

God...let me be happy....i love to be here...

this is all i've wanted for my whole life...

i wanna be happy...

happy is the only way to make it through...

but why it is so hard to be happy?

am i too blind to see n feel it?

God, guide me...

sathuk...

nothing i do can ever repay you....

i have today...because of you...Ama....

no matter how much i say 'thank you'...it won't be enough...

no matter what i do can ever repay your love, your support and your endless trust in me....

i'm just a lucky kid to have you...

Ama...thank you...

LOVE YOU :)

why is that everyone else seemed so...happy?

everyone...everyone around me seems so happy...

so perfect, so alive, so content...

they have lots of stories to share and i just...just have nothing to share back...

they are just...so damn happy...

am i being jealous? NO...

i'm happy for them...

but i just wonder, when is the last time i have had that kind of moment?

do i even have one before?

i just can't remember when is the last time i'm being happy...

people's life are moving on so beautifully that i'm sometime getting confused, 

why the hell that i'm the only one who can't get to feel it too??

they have their education,

they have their family members,

they have their boyfriends,

they have their girlfriends,

they have their siblings,

they just...have everything....

and they are so so so happy...

and me? 

on contrary, 

sitting here blogging, 

wondering why other people's life are so wonderful...

pathetic...i know...

God, gives me strength to go through this...

is it this is the price i need to pay for what i've taken? 

maybe...

because i pray so hard so that i will get it...

and i must pay for what i prayed for...

maybe this is it...

this is the road i've chosen...

to be alone, to feel lonely, to be sad and to keep being envious on someone else happiness...

God, i'm sorry if i've been there again, not being thankful for what i've got...

i'm so sorry...

i just..just wanna share my happy story too...but i have none of it...

God, i'm glad they are happy...

hope it will last long for them, bless them God...

cause at least from their smiles and laughs and loves...i can feel it too...for at least..a bit...

sathuk...

a very meaningful ads....

i cried for this...haha;pp