i never know....

i never know my dream will bring me so much of sorrow rather than happiness...

i'm so thinking that it will make me happy...but now i know...it's not....

it brings me so much of guilt, so much of sorries, so much of not-belong feeling...

because there is those who's suffering just to make sure i'm here...doing what i've always wanted to do...

how can i be happy in such state? how can i focus? how can i bear that much of torturing??

God...why i always am made wrong decision? 

why i've always ended up being where i'm not suppose to be?

where and how can i fix myself? how can i adapt to this?

God...there's so much sorrows i brought to her....

she's suffering, i'm suffering...no one's happy...but why i even choose to be here?

it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...

i shouldn't have be so sure of it...i'm just still a stupid me...no matter what i do...

i just will never be able to grow up...

in this age of mine, in this decision of mine...i'm the stupidest...no one can compare to me...

i left her alone...struggling with bills...no daughter around...just receive a call every night...

with sad voice saying sorry over and over again...

God...she doesn't deserve this...why i end up hurt her more than making her proud?? 

the only way to help out is to get good result and get myself study loan...

God...bring me through...please...i must do this for her!

Give me strength...so i can go through all the guilts...and so i can make sure i can help her out....