what about my 2014?

it passed so fast that i don't even know what it's was about....

yeah sorta have to scroll down my fb wall to see what happened in that passed year...

hmmmm 

if i say, chaos? if i say patience? if i say adapting? if i say managing? and worries?

yeah that's basically my 2014...

sound negative aren't it? but seriously...it's a year of chaos...

i don't know it's just me or it's the whole world....

my lovely motherland, Malaysia got hit by various challenges never end, and me myself can't seem to have it differently...

studies, friends, people, life, money...oh my God, i just can't tell how chaos it was....

until now i can't find to make peace out of it...

i just don't feel ease while sitting, don't feel like i'm eating when i eat, and don't feel like i'm absorbing anything when i read...BIG TROUBLE!

how to make this chaos end?

is it the room?

yeah i take that as one of the points...my room, so chaos...or it's me?

everyone's knocking...

everything needs my attention...blackout, internet, people wanna cook, fuhhh so chaos...

when i was just only as much as holding my pen, there, chaos started...

i thought off changing...but when i think about it, what happen if i just try to survive in it? what if in future, it's all about chaos? and people and problems? isn't it good that i get to practice now?

'human person' yeah...maybe i should try to be one...

but my result, my study is getting worse and worse....i can't concentrate...

i can't barely stay calm to do my studying...

God...what am i suppose to do?

how to find peace in this kind of chaos world?

i feel like something is strangling me alive...what should i do??

what to do??? >.<"

i hate chaos! where is my peaceful life?

goodluck out thereeeee

new sem is knockinggggg!

i really hope luck is on my side for this new sem....really3 needed it >.<"

sathukkkkkk

____/\____

song that always bring me through...always

"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me"

~Cher~

Feeling broken

Barely holding on

But there's just something so strong

Somewhere inside me

And I am down but I'll get up again

Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that

I won't stay around

But I'm gonna stand my ground

You're not gonna stop me

You don't know me

You don't know who I am

Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out

This is not the end

I'm down now

But I'll be standing tall again

Times are hard but

I was built tough

I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

I am far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

No no

I'm not going nowhere

I'm staying right here

Oh no

You won't see me begging

I'm not taking my bow

Can't stop me

It's not the end

You haven't seen the last of me

Oh no

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

risau, depress and really really need to do this

it's a very crucial time of sem, FINAL...

and i can't find any strength left to do this SOOCA...goshhhh where my semangat gone?

xde semangat sangat2!!

nak tdo xlena, bgn pun murung...sbb depressed then can't even do anything because of worries...

see human. how powerful your mind is...see

i can't do a thing until i get my brain, my mind right...but how?

God, show me ways...why i'm so down?

so scared?

so negative?

goshhhh

please help me....only You can give me strength...only You...sathuk~

be a person of values

there are many types of students on earth....

you can choose one to be....

let's take few examples...

1) Students of Values

this kind...is a student who studies, seeking for knowledge, try to apply and help others around...

like Patch Adam said "I find myself get what i want faster when i help others getting what they want"

This kind of student is selfless, helping and share....

This is the hardest kind to find....

2) Students of Seeking, and Determine

this type is determine and never let their goals slip their hands...

this type is most intelligence of all, but might be less of values...they tend to not share, tend to not helping other people because they think winning is only for one person, only one person can go to the final line...they urge for credits and fame...they love winning, competition and might not really like you if you do better...

3) Students of Procrastinating and Leisure

this kind, tend to sigh, regret and procrastinate.....they procrastinate due to the procrastination itself...

this kind tend to be lazy, proud and lack of motivation...

this kind might search for advises but tend to ignore it...

this kind is the hardest to deal....they learn like a full glass and tend to not listen...

no matter what type, no one is sticking to one type forever....it might be phases....

Ghandi said 'Too sure of one's own wise is never a good thing"

so no matter who we are...let's be humble, helping people and try to be better....

too selfish, too selfless is never a good thing...

"Let's walk in the middle road" -Buddha-

Beautiful....

"Lay Your Hands"

by Simon Webbe

Sometimes life can be a burden 
Trine stay one step ahead 
I feel the world upon my shoulder each time
I'm standing out on the edge 
And my hopes have all deserted me
Like they washed away in the sand
And it's hurting my pride 
Trine survive 
But i know i stand a chance

When you lay your hands 
Oh yeah
`Caus it's the only thing I have that still makes sense 
(Oh baby, when I`m calling out) 
Give me love and affection,
Keep telling me, show me the way.
(Oh, if you see me falling down)
Lift me up from the shadows
Will you take me away to a better place?
(And when I`m in my darkest hour)
You`re by my side, to turn the tide,
Until the suffering fades.
When life is getting me down,
Getting me down, i`m close to defeat,
Come and lay ur hands on me.

Feel this road is getting longer now 
And i`m too far away from home 
Still I gotta keep on moving on 
But I can`t do it on my own 
Baby keep my head above water 
Help me swim for my life
`Coz the game is getting harder 
The strain is gettin stronger 
And I can only face the fight 

When you lay your hands 
Oh yeah
`Coz it`s the only thing I have that still makes sense

`Til I`m healed again,
Rediscovered my strengths,
Those bitter blues are gone...
Oh, gone...

Come and lay your hands on me.

expired?

when there is happy moment...i tend to think of it's expiring date....

and same goes to sad moment...

so, it will expired isn't it?

everything?

how long?

just...wish those happy moment stay and those sad ones rotten and fade away....

too selfish am i?

i just wish all of us will stay happy...like this....always~

let in let out let go

before as a kid...i used to be this little naive girl who just let everyone in and made friends with everybody on earth because i thought human are suppose to be friends...

then i grew up in this little school who taught me that human are nothing like that...

then i grew up even more somewhere far from home and i see, owh actually if you met the right one your life won't be so bad...

and then now i know, not everyone that you let in, gonna make you their world, and same goes to your own self....

it's the hardest thing to see who's right and who's wrong for you....so the key is to let in and try...

and don't keep hope so high because those who make you happy will eventually from time to time make you sad too...

so i try, i let people in, not as much as my 'naive' time...but still i let them in....

and i think, i try and i live along....

 the true one shall stay, wrong one shall gone by time,...

so i let go the feeling of belongings...

i let that feeling go...

the feeling of someone is belong to me...

no...no more..

i belong to no one and no one is belong to me...

this way of life is simpler and less hurt....but yeah, at the end of the day you tend to find yourself have exactly no one true by your side...but at least no fake one too....

oh God....

my mind...one side is thinking bout exams that's coming in the next 9 days....yeah 9 freaking days left! >.< 

and another side, thinking bout procrastinating, lazy, giving up. so hard to start, and all those negative stuff that won;t make myself study...urghhhh

really sick of these feelings!

when am i gonna get it that i'm the only one who can safe myself from darkness, no one is coming to take me to the bright side, if i can't bring myself there, then, i;m not gonna get there....

Phrak ei...chuai che duai....sathukkkk

why am i so hopeless? ;(((

till when u gonna be a loser?

till when u gonna be a loser sumy?

control your mind!

don't make every day goes by so hard by searching for reasons to not be happy!

and just make yourself study please!

that's your purpose of being here...not trolling around, having heavy feelings, care, feeling bad or what so ever time consuming useless things!

gosh!

get back to your sense!

why are u so lost?!

it's that hard to study?

don't you want this? 

don't you love this?

environment?

no, nothing to blame here....you know...environment never affecting any of you study behaviour before, why now?

why care?

why bother?

why put other's mood on yourself?

there is time you need to wake up and be happy on your own...

people have their up and down time...

and you can't be responsible for every down or up of them...

and you?

yeah, when u have your up and down, do you think people even care?

you are always 'fly alone', lone ranger or what ever they call it right?

so why bother attaching?

WAKE UP!

stop feels too much, stop cares too much!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

do your stupid studying and get there!

pass the exams!

sumy seriously

sumy seriously?! since when your happiness is based on others?

since when??!!

urghhhh 

come back to your sense!

you can do this!

yeah, drifted away by that much!!

urghhhh

STUPID?!

omg omg omg what have i done to myself?!

shit!

ok sorry for that~ ;pp

thank God for today....all of sudden, i feel like i'm fully awake!

so much to study sumy!

and still keep on 'layaning' feelings and people who just as stress as you and they create their own pollution...and you are so involved...goshhh since when ko kisah dunia nie??

STUDY SAYANG STUDY!

GOSHHHHH

study pleaseeeee!!!

keep your head clear!!!

pleaseee

study!

20 DAYS TO GO!

chayok!!!!! >.<

lega

whenever i call my mum...she'll know exactly what i feel from my voice in the phone...

and when i say i'm stress...

she'll always know it's not about studying...

not that i'm that good...but she knows how much i love learning and never curse the knowledge for being too hard to understand...

she knows i have very least interest in human relation...

and all she said is...those who give you problem won't give you grads cert or 4.0 or pass the sooca...

it's you who will bring yourself there...so, don't bother making them creating your results...

focus on studies...

because this kind of relation stuff will pass but your result stays forever...

thank you Ama..

i feel so much better talking to you...

even it's not much but it feels so relieved...

not that she asks me to be selfish...or being so focus on goal kind of person...

but she said sometimes, this kind of problem is just so little but your brain tend to make it big...

because we got emotional...

emotional always win to those who never think...

Ama...i wish i can be home...just sit there...that's it...my strength just came back again~

what it feels like?

what it feels like to be;

good

bad

smart

stupid

rich

poor

pretty

ugly

under dog

popular

friends

strangers

religious

rebelling

discipline

messy

clean

awesome

fun

boring

introvert

extrovert

sick

healthy

full

hungry

following

managing

nervous

failing

successful

on top

totally at the bottom?

all of these conditions or feeling will always come and go...

for a while you might feel 10 of them in a very happy side and another time it's totally different...

so what it takes to accept all of these and not being angry, disappointing and giving up? 

or maybe too happy that you forget to pray or be thankful to God?

human is such a weak creature....

we have minds that control everything...how we feel how we act

and most of the time, after thinking plus personality traits, a person will act based on what they think is right...

but in another person, it might be completely out of mind or inappropriate or can be totally inspired...

human are weak...

a weak creature that change their minds everyday...

how to be consistent?

how to be alert and being able to rule out the wrongs most of the time...

like the wise always say 'Mind is a powerful tool in livings'

can't deny any of those words...

but here comes the hardest part; the Default System...

every person was born with Default System of the Mind based on lessons, 

or experience throughout their lives, 

so how to control your Default System? 

so that it can be changed and a person shall n act differently...

that's the GOAL!

most of successful people were being able to change that...

let's say his Default Sytem is Laziness...

so he practiced and changed that habit into Hardworking and just bammm!

he succeeded...

so it's a prime Goal isn't to change your Default System?

customize it from time to time to create a better one...

so...let's just keep practicing...

because your brain somehow save Default System based on what you do daily...aka; Memory

so if you're hardworking in daily basis, so, that will be your Default System...

so let's practice....

let's do it right~

there is nothing left to try

fragile

if it's that fragile...then it's time to let it go sumy...stop...stop trying so hard

just let it go...

it's too fragile...that's meant it's never a thing or it's just a pretend...