Self-maintenance consideration

i call this self maintenance...know why? just like phone, they need charger, battery, screen protection n bla..bla..bla..
just like my own self...but i have been putting this maintenance at rest for awhile well..it has becoming rusty...
i haven't exercise since august, and i do not practice balance diet for 3 months, and i haven't review any of my language lesson for like...a month~ these 2 months...i have been running away from trying...well to be easy..let' say, i give up...i gain 2kgs...nearly 3 now...and my skin is ugly as hell because i don't feel like taking care of it...and my brain has been cramp at the same point, never do any reading or exercise on any stuff...my body stamina is going down and my cholesterol is going up...caffeine taking everyday, and watching movie like 19 hours per day!
i am giving up on taking care of my own self...but i still do house cores for my mum...that one is no offend...i have to do it...at least to make sure she knows i'm exist in this house...
i am at worst state of my life and that's why i hate HOLIDAYS...because i don't know what to do...and i don't have friends which i don't have to look pretty for any one...well...my mum can take it;p
is she? but she never complain..so maybe is a yes~
God, i have been waiting when to start living...when will i will be able to throw my self in something, like studying all day and night...go to class, meet friends, and well not so boring like staying at home doing nothing~ and gaining weight, which i hate so much of being fat plus ugly...
but this feeling of giving up..bring laziness n it brings doom...urrghhhh
i can use a little help here~
maybe soon i need to go far away, but well, it is a bad of me to say i'm sick of staying of, but yes...i am getting bored of it...but i don't hate it...i just feel like...gosh when to start living...
but soon i'm gonna cry a lot for the farewell...i know2...
just now that i'm sick of lazy me~
and please don't miss understand, i don't hate my home, i don't hate holidays...I HATE MYSELF WHEN IN HOLIDAY! that's it~