End point

End point is what everyone of us running to...

try our best to be there, for just to be there only will feed our satisfactions...

What's your end point?

Mine? It is just too far away...far til i don't feel like that's my end point anymore...

however, i'm still running to it...

run to go get it....

run run and run...

just before i realize that i can see it's shadow now...

but just then, the light seems to sail away....

leaving me in the darkness....i can't find my end point even it's so close to me...next to me perhaps?

until that light comes again....

i shall try my best to keep wandering in the dark...

stay there...

even it's cold, dark and miserable...

everyone else telling me to move forward, they say, the light won't come...

why not just try another end point?there is end point that always have light shines on it...

it waits there...just go get it...

but...i want...this end point...

this only end point...

i will just keep waiting here till the lights comes...

i will wait...and try...and wait just to touch it...

just to feel how it is...

i'm in sh*t....

yesterday, i watched Will Smith's talk bout life....

and he said;

'most of all, even if no one is believing it, you have to believe in it'

'and decide, please decide...and start from there just do it'

'don't ever make plan B to distract your plan A'....

''always have strong enthusiasm to FOCUS and make A GREAT FOCUS on what you're doing''

the way he said...blew my mind...

i've always made plan B in my life...because i know that i'll always fail in plan A....

i've always easily given up on my plan A and never believe that it's gonna work...

i distract myself from it....and never try hard enough....

God, how can i be like him?

how can someone have so much of motivational and never give up in life?

but most of all...i know he learned it hard way...

before someone can talk all those things out...he must have gone through a lot....

a lot until, he doesn't have fear towards 'fear' anymore...

as he said 'i attack my fears'

God....i wish i know what i'm doing and i wish i will stop doubting about it...

i can't remember which day in my life now, that i don't call myself stupid...

i let great chance past...

i grab on uncertainty...

and i'm dealing with impossible...

God...

gives me strength...

tell me if i'm doing it right or wrong...

i'm on my way to believing...

sathuk...

just wanna try....

-KELLY CLARKSON-

BREAKAWAY

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray

Trying hard to reach out

But when I'd try to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I pray

I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes ‘til I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I loved

I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get on board a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away

And breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

I won't forget all the ones that I loved

I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging 'round revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway 

chutttaaa

chutta if can be like them...

no need even to try...

no need even to stressed out...

don't even have to make life calculation to survive each day...

chutta...

God...

i wish to be someone else again...

i don't appreciate of what i have again...

i'm doing sin again...

God...

thank you for everything...

thank you...

thank you....

and

sorry...

sorry...

sorry...

problems....

that moment when u realize u're surrounded by nothing but problems....

u just can't see the bright side of life....

people hate u for u....

u find hard time to even talk to ur own family members....

u feel don't deserve to be where u are...

and most of all, u feel regret of having this life....

people are different....

other people sip a lucky drink while u're the one who get to drink the poisoned one....

just that, when u gonna get that lucky sip too right?? just when??

it is so hard, so impossible and such a dream for me to lead 'this' kind of life....

don't ask bout other people....

their timing are just better and better...

not mine...of course not....

i just wish to be one of those lucky people....

but lucky is not always my option....

work hard? yes? plus never pay off....

i feel like i've been punished for my stupid decision...

can i say it has been....9 months? and now i've made it worst...

money also gone....

sh*t what have i done to me n family?

people are out of mind sometime, but they keep getting what they want....

me being out of mind? dooooommmmm a freaking boom just landed =_=''

God....sometime i feel like u left me behind because i choose not to listen to u...

can You turns back n look at me now?

can You take care of me too even after so many sinssss?

can You give me at least strength to walk into ur sight?

please....