feel like so long never up date...

well, it is quite a life i have here...

tough, mentally and physically...

i need to accept people the way it is, by understanding...

which, 

to understand something or someone is actually a great deal...

but not until you find you...

you see you talking, you see you act, you see you in front of yourself...

i met someone....exactly like me...

every time she talks, acts, it seems like me...

but not 'me' now, but 'me' then....

before i see the small matter, matter....

before i see life is actually not always that beautiful flower park to walk by....

there is dirty mud, their is river to cross and there is people to meet....

so, now that i see 'myself' talking to me...

all i can think of is just, oh my God...am i really that bad before?

how does people around me even stand it??

oh my God...what have i done??

God....i feel like i owed people....a lot of them that i have to repay...

will i have chance to repay them??

will there be a second chance that i can make that up to them?

i will be better....

i will care more...

i will talk less and listen more...

i will concern...

i will think and most of all...

i will love...

love them enough to be able to put them before me...

sathuk...

Martin Luther King, Jr.

just keep goinggggg.....

stand on the ground....

sometime, all u need is just to be able to stand on the ground and feel that everything that moves underneath you is real and you're able to rest your heart upon it...

but,

it gets blur for me...

can you imagine...to be asking yourself every now and then 'am i doing the right thing?'

'what am i doing?'

'it is right?'

it is totally screwed up my head...

and all i need is just a sign...tell me, what should i do? what should i decide? what should i think???

it's just...so blur now

all i hope is...it is going to be better....

In The Deep

''In The Deep'' 

by Birdy York

Thought you had

all the answers

to rest your heart upon.

But something happens,

don't see it coming, now

you can't stop yourself.

Now you're out there swimming...

In the deep.

In the deep.

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles

till you... Let go.

Till you shed your pride, and you climb to heaven,

and you throw yourself off.

Now you're out there spinning...

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep.

And now you're out there spinning...

And now you're out there spinning...

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep.

And the silence,

all your secrets will

raise their weary heads.

Well, you can pin yourself back together,

well, who here thought you would?

Now you're out there livin'...

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep...

Now you're out there spinning...

Now you're out there swimming...

Now you're out there spinning...

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep.

In the deep...

so good...

to be thankful to life the way it is...

to be minimalist....

to be humble...

to be such a good prayer...

to be good...

to be such a saint child...

to be honest...

to be able to love without wanting any love back...

to be self less...

to sacrifice for good...

to be wise...

independent...

to be able to help...

to be able to smile with whole-hearted...

to love...

so much wonders to treasure...to try...to become....

sathuk....

my last chance....

i don't wanna write about it because every time i did, it chao away....damn...

anyway, wish me luck!

why do i want this...again? =_='''

i've been thinking....since when i like it such a hard hard hard life??

and why am i even done this stupid decision?

shall i be thankful for that God has stopped me from dumb move?

so, now, i'm questioning myself...it is that necessary?

it is that worth all of these wasted time, money, hope and my mum supports?

goshhh what have i done to myself??!!

why am i having such a rush of determination out of reckless, so suddenly?

now that i don't know what should i do...

shall i just let it go??

i'm grasping it for too long that i feel so tired, boring and fed up of it....

shall i continue?

why am i even thinking about doing it? having it? wanting it?

what i've been thinking?!! >.<

shall i continue? or shall i just...stop?

i hate to say that i'm stressed by....

i am stressed by my failed life...of course,

but one more thing...is my weight...

ever since, i have never been in good shape like any other people...

well, i'm perfectly healthy and far from deformed...

however, most people treat fat people like one...

yeah, of course yes, why not right? 

because we seems to indulge ourselves, not care about health n look....

what can u say right?

yes, it is true that society needs to hate fat people, 

because it can be a push button for that they won't be happy with how they look 

and try to change, to have a healthier life...

yes, i'm stressed by these concepts...

need.to.get.healthier. 

IS HARD >.<

well, u can say 'ala if u try u can'

try become me...let's see if u can do it....

i tried many times....

failed...yes...

because it's tired out there...

to run, to exercise, to be laughed at while exercising...

IT IS HARD...

well, u can blame my tiny little determination...

u can blame my bad eating habits...

or maybe wrong parenting...too much love is given?

but most of all, 

it's my own self right?

yes...

if i want it..i must go get it...

they pop up pills to get slimmer...

but i'm not that kind of person...

i know how much calories i'm taking in, and how much i need to take out....

so that i will have a truly healthy body...

exercise is the best way to gain fit and healthy body...

even best way for ur cardio...

well, let's pray that i can do it...again =_='''

goshhhh need inspiration! >.<