lowest point

have u ever reach your lowest point of life??

well, to define lowest point of life; means, 

you just can't imagine what's there left for you to live with...

you feel like u're at the dead end, nowhere to escape and engulfing by the darkness...

well, here i am...at that very strategically point...

 i can see no future of my own, i can feel no hope for me to move on, 

and i can feel every pieces of me is dropping one by one, losing hope and will to strive for living...

people, it is really hard to be here, at this point...

to be such a disappointment to your love one,

to be such a useless fella to your community,

to be such a no identity person as a citizen...

it is really hard and urrghhh hard! >.<

some says time will pass and so shall the hardship...

but i never see when that will ever happen....

God, you put me in a very impossible way to move on...

impossible for me, as i'm not all those wise man who can figure out on her own...

what to do, how to do, and where's next...

my plan just keep falling apart...

i barely smile nowadays...

and don't even mention bout laughing...

i just...miss myself that way...

why it is so dark now??

what shall i do??

however, deep..deep..deep inside of my heart...

i still have hope...

a little bit, piece of it...

hope that one day, my life will be better...

i guess now, i have to pay the prices of blessing chances You gave me before...

all those chances that i tossed aside..

all those chances that i screwed them up...

i'm so sorry....i'm too dumb...

i'm so sorry to be such an idiot...

i'm so sorry to be so shallow to decide which and which...

~i'm so sorry~

just anything...could happen...really, i learned it hard way~

Anything Could Happen

- Ellie Goulding - 

Stripped to the waist

We fall into the river

Cover your eyes

So you don't know the secret

I've been trying to hide

We held our breath

To see our names are written

On the wreck of '86

That was the year

I knew the panic was over

Yes since we found out

Since we found out

That anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could

After the war we said we'd fight together

I guess we thought that's just what humans do

Letting darkness grow

As if we need its palette and we need its colour

But now I've seen it through

And now I know the truth

That anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could

Baby, I'll give you everything you need

I'll give you everything you need, oh

I'll give you everything you need

But I don't think I need you

Stripped to the waist

We fall into the river

Cover your eyes

So you don't know the secret

I've been trying to hide

We held our breath

To see our names are written

On the wreck of '86

That was the year

I knew the panic was over

Yes since we found out

Since we found out

That anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could happen

Anything could

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

I know it's gonna be

But I don't think I need you

But I don't think I need you

But I don't think I need you

like final

i'm going to treat it like it's a final....final exam...

yeah, and now is like tons of things to read and to go through...

God...bless me...

give me hardworking (which shall i seek)

give me strength (which shall i create)

Sathuk....

i know i'm on mission impossible....but sometime, do be able to be as far as you can,

teach u how far u can really go~

high five out there!

when i feel annoyed by those who ask me for favors, 

who i know i'll end up get nothing in return,

i'll think of this....

stop your mind from thinking that i need something in return when i help people...

what i mean here is, there is one type of people on earth, that no matter how

many times u help them, and when it comes to a time that u'll ask the same, 

they're just gonna ignore u...u know? that kind of person? i'm sure most of u do...

those who always turn to u for help, but when u need one, they gonna give u every possible reason a human can ever think of...that kind of person u know...

they are really annoying, love to use people and never give a thing in return...

it's not like i need something in return...

i just want a peace for my heart that i can trust and rely on them when i need...

but it's just never gonna happen...

hmmm too bad~

so, this quote sometime calm me down and let me be someone i wish to be...

a better person than they are...

when the wait will be over?? just when??

w.a.i.t.i.n.g

is disaster...is torturing...is sickness...is...killing~

just when it's going to be over?

i'm sick of thinking that i'm gonna screwed it up...

i'm sick of thinking that the ending is not as beautiful as i imagine it will be...

i'm too tired of giving up and not trying good enough...

but, what is 'good enough' anyway?

i'm worried, i get stress, i'm procrastinating, then i regret...

oh gosshh enough already! >.<''

wake up! 

have faith will ya?!!!

blacklist stuffs

here official my blacklist stuff;

1) never reply message

2) only have inspiration when having boyfriend

3) never have credit to reply message but have credit clingy around boyfriend

4) use...always pretend to be nice because wanna use...

5) blaming...yeah, blame it all on me because i can take them? evenineverdoit

these are five my life PRINCIPLE of blacklist...and i wish i'll never ever ever ever ever encounter these kind of monster ever again in my life! Goshh pissed off!! >.<

why i want to change the line?

it strikes me hard; ''Why i want to change line?''

why i chose Medicine over Biochemistry or Veterinary before?

why i chose the least possible compare to the possible one?

why i had been so reckless betting on my own time, my feelings, and most of all my future?

it occurred to me before that i might lose them all and yes...it happened to me...

i lost them all...

i can't go where i want, what's already in my hand, i let them go...

at last, all i grab is empty air....

and now i'm still asking myself...why did i do that to myself?

and why on earth that i'm being so reckless?

it all comes down to one simple answer...

.D.E.S.I.R.E.

i desire to do Medicine...

i desire to pursuit my dream of becoming a doctor...

even people say, it's reckless, impossible and hopeless...

but in me...that desire is just never end hoping to surface...

now, i'm still even trying for another time...

another last time...

the outcomes might be the same or comes true...

it all depends on me, my fate, my hard works and most of all God's willing....

but before i jump to that end with my own doubt and imagination,

i will have my own last fight for it...

for now, i'll just think that, it's more possible with more effort...

i shall fight and try another one last time...

just this one...another one shot left to bet on...

because later, when the battle end, and the champion is announced, 

i will not have anymore chance but to accept the result....

when the battle end...

i will have to accept the fact that i can try no more...

i can hope no more...

and i can dream no more...

all i need to do is to accept it and go on...

God, forgives me....

i dream too high that i'm still not sure if i can't make myself growing that high...

but, i'm trying...

i'm trying...

i'm trying...

God, i'm trying...bless me~

"Who You Are"

"Who You Are" 

by JESSIE J.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:

"Why am I doing this to myself?"

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf.

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!

The more I try the less it's working, yeah

'Cause everything inside me screams

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!

Just go, and leave me alone!

Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,

With a smile, that's my home!

That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay...

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

Yeah yeah yeah

change is not easy

i ask myself....what do i want to write tonight....

i wanna update this blog...

at least, it's a sign i still have strength left to say some words...

i'm on my way to believe that i can change....

so that it will bring me to 'a change'...

then i'll do what ever it takes to change...

so then, i'll change...

not completely but as a process...

one step at a time...

today, i've done my best on waking up early, 

tomorrow, i'm gonna add exercising, 

the next day i'm gonna add on studying,

then each day soon, will be better and better and better...

that's what i've planned to do...

and i did some of them...

one wise man said 'Change is a process, not an event' and i get it...

i'm working on it...

God, gives me strength...so that i'll be better and better...

Sathuk~

wondering...what kind of life i'll have in the next 5 years??

i can't see it...

i can't predict it...

i can't even guess about it...

''What u did back then, will give the same amount of payback to you, won't be more or less'' -Buddha-

i don't know how much i've done good deed back then...

and i don't know this thing that i want, suit it or not...

but i hope, it's not a sin to try...

but then now...

i'm too scared just to try...

first step, starting point is always the hardest...

i'm finding reasons, lazy n sleepy every time i'm about to start doing it...

goshhh what happen to me?

haven't i realized that i need to do this and make it real??

God.....

it'a already February....

stress suddenly hit me in the face right after looking at the calendar...

i've got only 4 months to go...

lots of topics to cover and i'm still here wasting time on regrets, fears, and doubt...

Sumithra, why don't u wake up and start anew?

why don't u just be brave and make the best out of it?!!

why keep struggling with fears and doubt??

it's going to be ok sumy...

this one, this time...u know what should do...

at least for now, everything u know is strong enough to make u believe again...

go sumy!

let's start now!

let's get busy with studies again!!!>.<

Phrak eei chuai che duai...SATHUK~

:: เคว้งคว้าง ::

nologo 

:: เคว้งคว้าง ::

เหมือนหลุดลอย ไร้แรงยึดเหนี่ยว 

เหมือนกับเรือ ไร้การควบคุม 

นับจากวัน ที่เธอลับลาไกล 

นับจากคืนที่เธอจากฉันไป 

* เปลี่ยนชีวิตและมุมมองฉัน 

nologo เคว้งคว้าง Lyrics

ฝันไว้ในใจยังไงมันก็จางหาย 

สิ่งที่เคยหวังใช้ประคองใจ 

ให้ก้าวเดินไป ไม่อยู่ไม่มีเหลือแล้ว 

** ได้แต่เคว้งคว้างล่องลอยสู่คืนที่มืดมิด 

ไม่มีทิศทางไป เมื่อต้องเสียเธอ 

ได้แต่เคว้งคว้าง 

เหมือนทุกอย่างเป็นเพียงภาพเบลอ 

โลกที่ฉันยืน พังทลาย 

เหมือนจิตใจ เสียความสมดุล 

เหมือนหล่นไป ในบ่อสีดำ 

ไร้จุดหมาย ไม่มีที่รั้งไว้ 

ฉันไม่รู้ ได้หยุดที่ใด 

(* , **) 

ได้แต่เคว้งคว้างล่องลอยสู่คืนที่มืดมิด 

ไม่มีทิศทางไป เมื่อต้องเสียเธอ 

ได้แต่เคว้งคว้าง 

เหมือนทุกอย่างเป็นเพียงภาพเบลอ 

โลกที่ฉันยืน พังทลาย 

How wrong is a dream??

Once dream can be real if it is a right one...

Most dreams scattered because it is a wrong one...

This is not pessimism....

But one wise man said " don't set your dream too high tht you can't make to archive it..."

It is true n I learn it hard way...some may say I deserve it, to dream tht high..well they're wrong...

And some say I'm not worth it...well they're right...

God shows me how real this world I live in...

and teaches me tht I need to be real...thank God...I need a wake up call....i always am....

another Tarot...

''You are now indulging in the past and unwilling to look to the future. That leads to the changes that should have carried out to a standstill, and thereby causes the formation of a deadlock. You are reluctant to move forward into the future. This will not only prevent you from growing, but also blocking you from new opportunities. Be considerate and let your wisdom plays its due role. You need to improve your learning method in order to achieve good results.''

slimming?

my mum asked; why not u try slimming drink?? let's try...

i've been thinking...i wanted to..but then, it costs a lot...

i think it's better to save money for books soon...

haihhh let's get to bachelor first la...then only will think bout beauty...

actually now, i'm on my 'diet-tak-diet' thing 

ngeeee;pp

i can't get the weight down...at least it won't go up...

let's stay like this for now...

my health is still fine due to my age, metabolic rate is still running (for now)...

i'll try on work out more n eat less la;ppp

chayok! ;)))