bcuz my mum said...

after my diploma, i thought i will never can choose path for my life...

then one fine day, my mum said;

''If you never choose to become a doctor now, you will never be able to be one''

''You want it or not? i can support you...at least for a while, then we'll look for any funding help later''

''Choose now, or if not you will lose it forever''

then i said, how can i even dream of it? it's too late....

and she said;

"If you want it, then you just have to be brave enough to admit it, and go for it....other people can why we can't?''

Just like that...and i say yes...we both don't even know what lies ahead...all my mum and me know is, we wanted this...i wanted this...then we went through a lot....and before i know it...i'm here...doing medicine...

if my mum never ask me that day, if her 'crazy' idea never strike her that day...i wouldn't be here today...

and here i am...thinking everything is possible if we try...

but yet...i'm still asking myself, just because i past the entrance exam, am i really meant for this?

am i really suit to be a doctor?

it's hard...it's very very hard...because it's not just about reading from books...it's about everything within you...seriously everything within...

it's like you will be able to do it or not...it's based on how you treat the world, it's how you organize yourselves, and it's how you treat people...

all i can say is...everything comes from the inside...

it's not just the intelligence that will bring you through the year...it's all about attitude, luck and personality...

you have to be good from the inside out...

i'm finding myself in this...i'm searching a way to live in this...and i'm stuck...

it's dark...

i've been lousy all step of the way...

my grades is not as much as the effort i put in...it's the other way around...

i sometime so ashamed to pray...because i feel like i don't deserve to face God...

i don't feel like calling my mum because i feel like i'm failing her...

i don't dare to try since everything seems so hard to catch up on...

i constantly searching for motivation cause what's inside of me keep on checking out...

life, i'm so sorry if you're about to get screwed again...

i have exams...11 papers...and so far only 3 left to face...

and for all the past 8? i don't feel good about them...

what if i lose grab on this?

what if i actually cannot be what i wanted to be?

God...help me...i'm too weak to see a way out...send me sign...

give me strength...i don't want to fail her...i don't want to poison my dream...

i want to keep it that way until i grads...

i want to grads with this degree...

i want to pursuit a life that is successful....

am i greedy?

am i dreaming too much?

is this too out of my league?

God...i'm so sorry...

i don't know what to do....