so much of guilt to bear....so tired....

i never know....

i never know my dream will bring me so much of sorrow rather than happiness...

i'm so thinking that it will make me happy...but now i know...it's not....

it brings me so much of guilt, so much of sorries, so much of not-belong feeling...

because there is those who's suffering just to make sure i'm here...doing what i've always wanted to do...

how can i be happy in such state? how can i focus? how can i bear that much of torturing??

God...why i always am made wrong decision? 

why i've always ended up being where i'm not suppose to be?

where and how can i fix myself? how can i adapt to this?

God...there's so much sorrows i brought to her....

she's suffering, i'm suffering...no one's happy...but why i even choose to be here?

it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...it's all a mistake...

i shouldn't have be so sure of it...i'm just still a stupid me...no matter what i do...

i just will never be able to grow up...

in this age of mine, in this decision of mine...i'm the stupidest...no one can compare to me...

i left her alone...struggling with bills...no daughter around...just receive a call every night...

with sad voice saying sorry over and over again...

God...she doesn't deserve this...why i end up hurt her more than making her proud?? 

the only way to help out is to get good result and get myself study loan...

God...bring me through...please...i must do this for her!

Give me strength...so i can go through all the guilts...and so i can make sure i can help her out....

...You're gonna Hear Me ROAR....

"Roar"

by KATY PERRY

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess

So I sat quietly, agreed politely

I guess that I forgot I had a choice

I let you push me past the breaking point

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR...

Roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me ROAR... 

i'm in scared....

God, i'm in scared...

i'm finally i get what i want but i'm scared i'm going to screw it up...

i'm scared i can't grab on it long enough...

i'm scared i'm not as good as anybody else....

i'm scared i can't do it...

i'm scared i'll drop out...

i'm scared i can't catch up...

i'm scared God...i'm so scared...

these fears in me make me chill and trapped in darkness....

when people laugh...i can't even laugh along with them...

my head keep thinking what should i do so that i won't 'collapse'...

God...bring me through these...

i can't study with fears up my sleeves...

God...only you i can cry to...only you i can find shelter...

people are looking at me...

they are waiting...wait for good news...not bad one...

God...protect me....help me...bring me through....

God...guide me through this fear...

i'm so lost....

banyak nyer cabaran...

nak study satu hal...

orang2 sekeliling satu hal....

diri sendiri satu hal...

God, give me strength...

let me figure things out...

let me be able to know what should i do...

Let these people being blessed with your love...

so they will be happy...so i will be happy...

let them know what consideration is cause

i'm trying my best to shout out what i need as well as what i've given them...

God...let me be happy....i love to be here...

this is all i've wanted for my whole life...

i wanna be happy...

happy is the only way to make it through...

but why it is so hard to be happy?

am i too blind to see n feel it?

God, guide me...

sathuk...

nothing i do can ever repay you....

i have today...because of you...Ama....

no matter how much i say 'thank you'...it won't be enough...

no matter what i do can ever repay your love, your support and your endless trust in me....

i'm just a lucky kid to have you...

Ama...thank you...

LOVE YOU :)