just share what i feel like sharing...so, u too will feel it~

i blame everything for the sake i can't get what i want...

even blame myself, family, n lots...

but i never realize how much i blame God by that....

how much i am rude n not stay on the ground...

i should know this is a lesson, not opportunity....which i have doubted long ago....

n it shows now....luckily i'm not too flattered by it...but a bit carried away....a bit of confusion, lots of stress n lots of emotionally depressed....but now i know...now i can breathe healthily...no more suffocated...thank God for ur great help...for sending someone to open my heart, n my mind

last night...i happened to talk with one great man who struggle just to live but even more struggle just to be better...he used to get salary just around rm240 per month...but recently..he manages to make it to rm8000 per month...he is just retailer for toys...but before that, he had been doing so many types of work just to get to his standing point now...constructor, burger seller, pasar malam guy n lots more..he tell me;

"Sumy, sy nak bg tau satu benda...satu benda yg jd formula basic tuk manusia nak hidup, JANGAN SOMBONG. Tue je....sebab tue la saya boleh apa saya boleh selama nie...sebab, sy x sombong....Tuhan bg ape...kita buat dulu, kita ambik dulu...sebab kita nie org biasa...xboleh nak create ape2 tuk diri sendiri...jadi, kalau kite sombong..kite x akan dapat nak harungi hidup mcm nie...bnyk rugi nnt...Sumy kenal x sesumpah? Yes, hidup mcm dia la...kena letak ats pokok, dia tukar warna koko, kena letak atas daun, dia tukar warna hijau...so, ape sakit dia?? xde kan...semua untuk benefit dia jugak...kalau dia sombong, xnak tukar warna...mesti dah kena makan kan?? So, tue lah prinsip hidup saya...bukan sy cakap, kite kena lupa ape cita2 kita...tapi, maybe sekarang Tuhan xboleh bg lg...atau pun cita2 tue memang bukan btol2 cita2 kita...atau pun Tuhan nak tgk lg usaha kita..Tuhan tahu...DIA tahu smua...jadi, jangan sombong...adapt je...satu ari Sumy akan tau mcm mana smua nie btol2 bagus tuk sumy...'' --Abang Radhi ---

i nearly cry in that moment...but still carry on to smile....because, for the first time, I never doubt what people say....i always ‘pending’, to tell the truth, because for one reason, I have been thinking lots inside, to prove what they say is true or wrong...but for tonight, everything just go straight inside my head...maybe that is it...that’s my weakness, I am so stubborn just to hear, so how am I suppose to learn? I am sombong....yes, that is so my topic...n like he knows how...while I happen to meet him just for 2 days...gosh

after that, i told him all about the moscow thing, n upm thing...n he asked again, what is my interest? the real interest...not because of money, title or great stand...like i always want, just to make my mum proud, just to make money so my mum won't suffer, so i said...investigating, forensics, solving thing, because for real, my head never good with memories, but good with calculation, solving thing...n he said, see what God gives to you? Biochemistry....still can join forensics department right?? so, u still down? U will find it anyway, whether, its straight, short to go or long, hard, take time to go....u will find it anyway...because, God already set what is it that u can get...just, u have to work towards it.

n i say, my eyes is so much opened...thanks to Abang Radhi~

i will never forget~

plus he said;

''Kita jgn anggap kite dah pandai dan kita jgn anggap smua org lain, x pandai...sebab tue jugak salah satu SOMBONG... contoh; Kalau sy sombong, saya xakan tahu ape yg sumy tahu, n kalau sumy sombong, sumy xakan tahu ape yg sy tahu, btol kan? Jadi, tue je la yg sy nak pesan...sumy nk g study, sy just nak pesan ckit2 :) ilmu x akan masuk kat org yg sombong, perasan dah tahu, biar lah kita nie humble2 je, n smua ilmu masuk, lagi manfaat''