how to empty this stupid endless thinking mind?

how to stop thinking about everything?

don't bother...

i don't even bother praying for the best anymore...
its like nothing is getting better...
i don't bother doing trying or even striving for better anymore....

yeah people said, everyone fails...everyone gets knocked down...

you haven't try my life yet...

i'm out of my time, out of my place and out of my reach here...

there is signs all over the place telling me to just freaking go home...

no matter how much i try...i seemed to be left out and can't catch up here...

i'm just too damn scared to try...because i scared of how much it won't be getting better later...
so i don't bother trying anymore...like seriously what for...it won't be good enough anyway...

people look at me and getting flattered when i don't know something...they want me to look dumb so bad...so yeah...so be it...i'm seriously dumb...going nowhere...can't you see i'm not your competition anymore, i'm not someone to look up at anymore...

study, finishing year, skripsi, bandung, arnes, lucnh, life, people, drama, weight, skin, body, dieting,
all of these...i feel too much...i feel it's too much for me to hold it in my hands...

nothing get easier i know...i know i should be positive...i know i should always try harder...do better....
but just...really...i'm tired.

Not in good shape

My life right now is not in good shape...
Anything anything anything at all can go wrong...anything can happen and nothing seems to make sense...

Its no joke how hard it can get sometimes...no joke...
And im surrounded by those who are not wasy to deal with either...well we are humans...who can be simple and easy to deal with?
But instead of looking at this as a bless...i look at it a curse..a freaking curse...

I resent those who doesnt make my life easier...i have a life a living a survive to fight for and for few people they can make it harder to breathe for me...

Im depressed and i dont know where to start or what to do anymore...

My brain has slowly giving up and panicking...

I dont know who i can talk to...to set my brain at ease...

No one here capable of listening to this...no one here can understand this...and its none of their fault...none.

Im so sick...and feel dreadful...im gonna resent every single person here...
Because my life is hard...and they never try to make it easier...

I cant seem to be complaining because this is so goddamn simple thing for them...

I sometime cant even affort my own lunch...and thry expect me to give them so much...

God...i will never know how i deserve this...i wont...im stupid...but God...can you make it easier for me?

How am i suppose to live in the same environment for another 2 years? Im sick of myself tht stuck in this situation again and again...
Everyday i ended up stressing about how bad my life is instead of make it better...

Im so stupid God...and all i have been doing is waiting for someone to safe me from this...for people to get better...and why i cant seem to adapt to them? Adapt to their nature behaviour? Why its so hard for me??

God...i wish i can get out from this...and stay in present...

Everything seems so hard...so freaking difficult to deal with each day...

I know i should be glad...but seriously...how to have tht heart? How to get back? How to be positive in all these mess i get myself into?

Gosh i freaking hate my life right now...hate it

i will always care...so much