why i want to change the line?

it strikes me hard; ''Why i want to change line?''

why i chose Medicine over Biochemistry or Veterinary before?

why i chose the least possible compare to the possible one?

why i had been so reckless betting on my own time, my feelings, and most of all my future?

it occurred to me before that i might lose them all and yes...it happened to me...

i lost them all...

i can't go where i want, what's already in my hand, i let them go...

at last, all i grab is empty air....

and now i'm still asking myself...why did i do that to myself?

and why on earth that i'm being so reckless?

it all comes down to one simple answer...

.D.E.S.I.R.E.

i desire to do Medicine...

i desire to pursuit my dream of becoming a doctor...

even people say, it's reckless, impossible and hopeless...

but in me...that desire is just never end hoping to surface...

now, i'm still even trying for another time...

another last time...

the outcomes might be the same or comes true...

it all depends on me, my fate, my hard works and most of all God's willing....

but before i jump to that end with my own doubt and imagination,

i will have my own last fight for it...

for now, i'll just think that, it's more possible with more effort...

i shall fight and try another one last time...

just this one...another one shot left to bet on...

because later, when the battle end, and the champion is announced, 

i will not have anymore chance but to accept the result....

when the battle end...

i will have to accept the fact that i can try no more...

i can hope no more...

and i can dream no more...

all i need to do is to accept it and go on...

God, forgives me....

i dream too high that i'm still not sure if i can't make myself growing that high...

but, i'm trying...

i'm trying...

i'm trying...

God, i'm trying...bless me~

"Who You Are"

"Who You Are" 

by JESSIE J.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:

"Why am I doing this to myself?"

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf.

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!

The more I try the less it's working, yeah

'Cause everything inside me screams

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!

Just go, and leave me alone!

Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,

With a smile, that's my home!

That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay...

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

Yeah yeah yeah

change is not easy

i ask myself....what do i want to write tonight....

i wanna update this blog...

at least, it's a sign i still have strength left to say some words...

i'm on my way to believe that i can change....

so that it will bring me to 'a change'...

then i'll do what ever it takes to change...

so then, i'll change...

not completely but as a process...

one step at a time...

today, i've done my best on waking up early, 

tomorrow, i'm gonna add exercising, 

the next day i'm gonna add on studying,

then each day soon, will be better and better and better...

that's what i've planned to do...

and i did some of them...

one wise man said 'Change is a process, not an event' and i get it...

i'm working on it...

God, gives me strength...so that i'll be better and better...

Sathuk~

wondering...what kind of life i'll have in the next 5 years??

i can't see it...

i can't predict it...

i can't even guess about it...

''What u did back then, will give the same amount of payback to you, won't be more or less'' -Buddha-

i don't know how much i've done good deed back then...

and i don't know this thing that i want, suit it or not...

but i hope, it's not a sin to try...

but then now...

i'm too scared just to try...

first step, starting point is always the hardest...

i'm finding reasons, lazy n sleepy every time i'm about to start doing it...

goshhh what happen to me?

haven't i realized that i need to do this and make it real??

God.....

it'a already February....

stress suddenly hit me in the face right after looking at the calendar...

i've got only 4 months to go...

lots of topics to cover and i'm still here wasting time on regrets, fears, and doubt...

Sumithra, why don't u wake up and start anew?

why don't u just be brave and make the best out of it?!!

why keep struggling with fears and doubt??

it's going to be ok sumy...

this one, this time...u know what should do...

at least for now, everything u know is strong enough to make u believe again...

go sumy!

let's start now!

let's get busy with studies again!!!>.<

Phrak eei chuai che duai...SATHUK~

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