God, can i plan now? will it be ok?

God, i have been wondering if i can plan or imagine or fantasizing bout my future now??... i wish it will be real and i can start planing how i'm gonna live..how i'm gonna study n how i am gonna enjoy it...but all still seem blur to me...like nothing is confirmed...and what if i start planning?? will it bring sorrow again? can i dream about it?? most of all...can i HOPE?? God, u give me such a terrible nervous ever in my life...but i appreciate it....because i know...without this, i will not even been thinking or talking to YOU....bless me, forgive me...guide me...

really?? 'really' real is it??

really happen?? worth it?? how is it?? hard?? can i?? will i?? how i'm gonna be?? really???!!!

trust life?

all i'm asking right now is...can i trust life? (secondly rank from can i trust myself)
sometime life give u happiness over n over again that make u feel like there is something wrong...but of course u wish it is not)
sometime life give u hardship over n over again that make u feel this life is so unfair n dark...


but time do past....
n what i hope the most is...hope life won't play joke with me...like a too-hard-joke-to-take type...
i pray to u God...just spare me n my mum...keep us in safe n less hardship life....keep us safe from sadness n sickness...bless us with Your guide n light~

penat with doubt

i'm so exhausted now....like very much exhausted with my own self....

i don't have anything special...nothing...really...n still i'm bringing my own self towards fools n useless self...

i wish i know how to swim...how to play piano...like have something that i can do well in my life...

but yet...nothing...and even hard to keep myself on track like others...

so hard just to be good...how to get great marks? how to be top student? how to not being lazy? how to memorize all things? how to have a very good memory? how to be healthy? how to be GOOD? just how?

God...i'm tired of asking...i'm tired of trying...i'm tired of having faith when i can't even trust my own self... God, can i trust my self?

can i count on my own self?

if it's getting tougher, can i count on my own will n strength??

can i count on me?

rush...all of sudden...last minute

now that i'm here for preparation....
so sorry love...i can't tell~