lesson of life for Aries, Goat and number 9 people is humility...
on how to be humble...
i got hit again and again by trouble, just for life to make sure that i learn humbleness in my life....
life has to make sure that i learned it, only then it will stop hitting me??
basic question...how to be humble?
for most people...it is easy...
for me...it is hard...
because i always think that i can do stuff....
i always think that i have luck, intelligence and charm to do what ever i want if i try hard enough...
but...
life teached me something...
life told me that...
no matter what, if i'm not a humble enough...
i won't get what i want...
i was searching for it...humbleness...
what it is?
how to become a humble person?
what i need to do to prove that i have it that life won't hit me again?
after quite sometime of searching...
i'm still searching...
but it has become clearer now...
humbleness is....
to know who i am...
to hope for what i can become with humble heart...
to know that i can only plan but God's the one that will allow it...
and to pray....
to be humble enough to pray and please from God on what i want...
i used to be so proud...
that i can't pray and make a wish to God...
when i never try hard enough...i won't pray...because i know i won't get it anyway...
which i never know that is such a proud idea...
no matter what...just pray...
pray for blessing...
who are we to not even think of HIM?
who am i to not even dare to pray and seek help?
am i that strong that i don't need HIM?
i'm such an idiot...
too proud...
to full of myself...
too self righteous....
people think i'm shy, not so much of talk...but when it comes to inner fight, i'm the strongest...
because i thought, if i'm strong, God will help me...
but no...
God won't help until i seek help...
He won't be rewarding those who thinks she's strong but to those who humble enough to think that she's weak and need help...
who am i not to need any help?
i need it...seriously need it....
and i'm too proud and thought i don't need it...
i deserve to be hit again and again...seriously
i keep asking why...but now i know i deserve it...
i'm too proud that God need to wake me up...
i've got slap in my face that i awake now...
i got slap by my life...
my stupid decision...
my 'too full of my self' decision...
now that i'm dealing with it...
it shall end soon...
and i know now that this is not my place...
i'm too hung up with the past that i thought i can strive better but no...
past is past...
i'm who i'm now...
i'm the one that can't barely cope up...
i'm the one that can't even answer such a simple question....
i'm incompetent...
and too far from excellence...
i thought i'm suitable for this but i got the hell wrong out of it...
no matter how much i try...i won't be good enough for this....
God knows best...He tries to tell me so many times...
drag me to the same position...
anchor me to the truth but still, i escape...
and now i'm in the middle of the sea...
nowhere to go...
too helpless, too hopeless...
God already gave me such a good place to be but i breakaway...
and now i'm paying the price...
i shout out loud but of course, no one will hear...
God...maybe all i need to do is just go back to the place i should be...
and to swim back to the same place...i hope i'll survive it...
God, forgive me....forgive me...forgive me...
i'm such an idiot, too proud, too full of myself...i'm just and idiot who just get to realize that i'm~
