goodluck out thereeeee

new sem is knockinggggg! i really hope luck is on my side for this new sem....really3 needed it >.<" sathukkkkkk ____/\__...

song that always bring me through...always

"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me" ~Cher~ Feeling broken Barely holding on But there's just something so strong Somewhere inside me And I am down but I'll get up again Don't count me out just yet I've been brought down to my knees And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking But I can take it I'll be back Back on my feet This is far from over You haven't seen the last of me You haven't seen the last of me They can say that I won't stay around But I'm gonna stand my ground You're not gonna stop me You don't know...

risau, depress and really really need to do this

it's a very crucial time of sem, FINAL... and i can't find any strength left to do this SOOCA...goshhhh where my semangat gone? xde semangat sangat2!! nak tdo xlena, bgn pun murung...sbb depressed then can't even do anything because of worries... see human. how powerful your mind is...see i can't do a thing until i get my brain, my mind right...but how? God, show me ways...why i'm so down? so scared? so negative? goshhhh please help me....only You can give me strength...only You...sathu...

be a person of values

there are many types of students on earth.... you can choose one to be.... let's take few examples... 1) Students of Values this kind...is a student who studies, seeking for knowledge, try to apply and help others around... like Patch Adam said "I find myself get what i want faster when i help others getting what they want" This kind of student is selfless, helping and share.... This is the hardest kind to find.... 2) Students of Seeking, and Determine this type is determine and never let their goals slip their hands... this...

Beautiful....

"Lay Your Hands" by Simon Webbe Sometimes life can be a burden Trine stay one step ahead I feel the world upon my shoulder each timeI'm standing out on the edge And my hopes have all deserted meLike they washed away in the sandAnd it's hurting my pride Trine survive But i know i stand a chanceWhen you lay your hands Oh yeah`Caus it's the only thing I have that still makes sense (Oh baby, when I`m calling out) Give me love and affection,Keep telling me, show me the way.(Oh, if you see me falling down)Lift...

expired?

when there is happy moment...i tend to think of it's expiring date.... and same goes to sad moment... so, it will expired isn't it? everything? how long? just...wish those happy moment stay and those sad ones rotten and fade away.... too selfish am i? i just wish all of us will stay happy...like this....alway...

let in let out let go

before as a kid...i used to be this little naive girl who just let everyone in and made friends with everybody on earth because i thought human are suppose to be friends... then i grew up in this little school who taught me that human are nothing like that... then i grew up even more somewhere far from home and i see, owh actually if you met the right one your life won't be so bad... and then now i know, not everyone that you let in, gonna make you their world, and same goes to your own self.... it's the hardest thing to see who's right...

oh God....

my mind...one side is thinking bout exams that's coming in the next 9 days....yeah 9 freaking days left! >.<  and another side, thinking bout procrastinating, lazy, giving up. so hard to start, and all those negative stuff that won;t make myself study...urghhhh really sick of these feelings! when am i gonna get it that i'm the only one who can safe myself from darkness, no one is coming to take me to the bright side, if i can't bring myself there, then, i;m not gonna get there.... Phrak ei...chuai che duai....sathukkkk why...

till when u gonna be a loser?

till when u gonna be a loser sumy? control your mind! don't make every day goes by so hard by searching for reasons to not be happy! and just make yourself study please! that's your purpose of being here...not trolling around, having heavy feelings, care, feeling bad or what so ever time consuming useless things! gosh! get back to your sense! why are u so lost?! it's that hard to study? don't you want this?  don't you love this? environment? no, nothing to blame here....you know...environment never affecting...

sumy seriously

sumy seriously?! since when your happiness is based on others? since when??!! urghhhh  come back to your sense! you can do this! yeah, drifted away by that much!! urghhhh STUPID?! omg omg omg what have i done to myself?! shit! ok sorry for that~ ;pp thank God for today....all of sudden, i feel like i'm fully awake! so much to study sumy! and still keep on 'layaning' feelings and people who just as stress as you and they create their own pollution...and you are so involved...goshhh since when ko kisah dunia nie?? STUDY SAYANG...

lega

whenever i call my mum...she'll know exactly what i feel from my voice in the phone... and when i say i'm stress... she'll always know it's not about studying... not that i'm that good...but she knows how much i love learning and never curse the knowledge for being too hard to understand... she knows i have very least interest in human relation... and all she said is...those who give you problem won't give you grads cert or 4.0 or pass the sooca... it's you who will bring yourself there...so, don't bother making them creating your results... focus...

what it feels like?

what it feels like to be; good bad smart stupid rich poor pretty ugly under dog popular friends strangers religious rebelling discipline messy clean awesome fun boring introvert extrovert sick healthy full hungry following managing nervous failing successful on top totally at the bottom? all of these conditions or feeling will always come and go... for a while you might feel 10 of them in a very happy side and another time it's totally different... so what it takes to accept all of these and not being...

there is nothing left to try

...

fragile

if it's that fragile...then it's time to let it go sumy...stop...stop trying so hard just let it go... it's too fragile...that's meant it's never a thing or it's just a pretend......

if it's not making you happy then let it go....

i can bet on my head that this weekend will turn out awful and indeed it does... i don't know where went wrong but it just won't go right... i try my best to do everything as right as possible but things just won't go the way it should... i'm done grabbing it in my hands if it's meant to fly away... broken stuff sometime is not meant to be repaired... i'll just stay where i am and be who i am and wish people the best... i'm here in competition with no one...because i know where i came from... i study...i try....if it's turned out good then...

lovely

รักเคยพัดผ่านมา แล้วลับลาดั่งลม ทิ้งเพียงความขื่นขมอยู่ในใจ เฝ้ารอใครสักคน เมื่อสายลมพัดมาใกล้ อาจเจอใครสักคนที่ไม่ผ่านเลย เพียงสายลมแผ่วๆ ทำให้ใจสั่นๆ เธอคนนั้นเหมือนคนในฝันของใจ เพียงสายตาตรงกัน ทำให้ใจไหวๆ อยากจะรักอีกครั้งได้ไหม ฮึมๆ สายลมแห่งรักพัดมา ขอจงอย่าพารักไป อย่าพัดให้เธอ ห่างไกลให้เราห่างกัน หากลมได้ยินหัวใจ ขอจงเมตตาบ้างสักครั้ง ให้รักได้อยู่คู่กัน ให้เธอได้อยู่คู่ฉันตลอดไป หัวใจที่ขาดรัก เหมือนฟ้าที่ขาดดาว ทุกค่ำคืนเงียบเหงาและอ้างว้าง ได้เจอเธอวันนี้ เหมือนดังปาฏิหาริย์ ฟ้าบันดาลให้รักมาเกิดกลางใจ เพียงสายลมแผ่วๆ...

impossible week

hopeless, impossible and useless week ever... i'm like a sail without direction... i don't know what to do, thinking bout stuffs, worries and even let myself being bothered by useless issues... panic attack? yeah, i think i about to lose it...i can't grab on it... how am i suppose to survive this? it's an impossible week...most impossible one... my works all  are lagging behind, i've never been this useless... God... what's wrong? where is my direction? if this continues, i'm gonna lose it... goshhhh  help m...

money is fuel

various time i asked myself, should i just pack my stuff and go back? it's getting to me now that i burden her so much... money is like fuel here... you can;t study with no money... you need money to keep your notes coming, need money so that your brain can be fed, you need money so that you can live on...internet, water everything... goshhhh i just hope money falls down from the sky! i can't ask more from ama...she has been putting up with me enough.... business?  i'm thinking about it... but time to read or live also i can barely...

Gravity

"Gravity" by John Mayer Gravity is working against me And gravity wants to bring me down Oh I'll never know what makes this man With all the love that his heart can stand Dream of ways to throw it all away Oh, gravity is working against me And gravity wants to bring me down Oh twice as much ain't twice as good And can't sustain like one have could It's wanting more That's gonna send me to my knees Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me Oh gravity has taken better men than me (how can that be?) Just keep me where the...

non toxic

i wanna a non toxic relation.... how to have that with you? i really really have no idea... we will always stuck in this and regret it later... how to solve it? just ho...

no trust left

that look in our eyes when we look at each other...that look that we both know, we don't have trust towards each other anymore... that look that it's killing but still i can't fix mine and neither can you... so....what now? how to life like thi...

don't hate me

"Don't look at me like i'm done learning and i'm your competitors,  i'm still a learner and will always be;  religion, life, science.... i'm still a very learner for all those aspects,  let's learn with me,  don't hate me... let's learn together,  we'll pass through this together...please"...

i need 'my person'

i need 'my person'.... i don't know all of sudden i'm just so envy of those who have 'their person'... you know, someone u text every night before sleep... saying good morning and asking bout lunch... not really a guy...nope...just 'my person' someone you gonna ask, "it's ok if i date that guy" that kind of person... but most of the time... the one i opened up to, are already involved.... sadness of life, of my life... i never really have 'my person' on my own... they are always better off with someone else... and it occurs to me that;...

i'll let this go

maybe you realized that you need to make it up to her.... or maybe you need someone to be there... whatever you do, or do it out of...i shall let this go... i shall care less...yeah i should...why i do i even bother? i shall let this go... i shall let this go... i shall let this go... and yeah i'm trying to wish you well... but you seem to hunt me down everyday... you put me as someone you wanna compete with which i'm so tired of that... you used to be in my prayers...but now you seem to appear more in my curse... and i feel so bad...

stop putting me through miseries....

stop trying to hurt me... stop putting me through miseries... stop seeking things that i can't give you.... DO YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MISERIES IN MY LIFE? i have enough....enough that my life is always on the line that you don't even know about it... you're so used to have everything in life that u can't make yourselves lose one.... and try to hurt me.... i barely have things in life... stop hurting me and look around you... you have enough too... stop seeking, stop being greedy, stop trying to get love or attention...you have...

biarla nie jadi doa

"You are a person who will contemplate and reflect upon your past experiences. That’s why you know how to take advices and apply them to your work, which allows you to achieve your goal quickly. You want to create a bright future. You will meet a new friend who is reliable and supportive, and take you to new opportunities. In the learning aspect, you make bold assumptions and hypotheses that you will prove them right without any doubt. You are able to manipulate new knowledge to improve learning efficiency. As a result, you will have successful...

i'm tht kind....

i'm that kind of person who trust action more than words, i see value of a person more than their appearance, i tend to listen to 'real' laughter more than the fake ones... i see tears not just from the victims, but there are tears of guilt... i believe an old book is always better than the new ones...because of them, we get the ideas for new ones i don't see 24 hours together make true love... i don't see sincerity and attitude comes from money, appearance or high power... i'm just....me... i see world that way... it's hard to put up...

those day...those songs

"Fix You" by Coldplay When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're...

UTS comingggg

semester goes by so fast that now all of us will go through UTS...ujian tengah semester... only God knows how nervous, worried and scared i am... one whole system of EMS (endocrine) will be tested in the exam... plus CRP, PHOP, and BHP...epidemiology, public health and bioethics... God, ease me through this exam God...and let me and my friends pass all these papers... God..help u...

it's so hard to find "my person"

 will i have chance to have at least one person to be my person? they always come and go... they always search for a better one when i'm actually right there in front of them... maybe being too nice and pleasing always push people away because human are like that...they search for the one that is not searching for them... and when i bailed...why are you searching me back? when i'm there why you treated me like trash? why people...

my study type...

kena atas batang hidung...hahaha sape suruh jawab benda2 psychology nih;pp my study type: You Are Intellectual :) You don't really like to study; you like to learn. You prepare for tests sort of naturally. You aren't one to memorize lots of facts. You just tend to remember what is interesting - and you find a lot interesting.  You tend to feel unprepared for most tests you take, but you end up doing a lot better than you expect. You're not the type to learn something for a few weeks only to forget it later.  When you learn,...

Like A Star

so...you know you love someone when you can't stand to see them hurting... i love you people.... my altatayan group... hope God bless us all... "Like A Star" Just like a star across my sky, Just like an angel off the page, You have appeared to my life, Feel like I'll never be the same, Just like a song in my heart, Just like oil on my hands, Honour to love you Still I wonder why it is, I don't argue like this, With anyone but you, We do it all the time, Blowing out my mind, You've got this look I can't describe, You make...

so many words

few things going on in my head lately... and these things are trying so hard to take me off my goals... GOALS? yeahhhh bla bla bla...but seriously, we live our life thinking we need to be happy so we don't even wanna spend a day struggling...but struggling is essential...because at the end of the day, that's what you counted on... i hate to say that for me...the step of 'stick to it' is hard to carry on... i am totally capable of distraction.... entertainment... friends... people... life...

when i'm thinking about it...

 "Surgeon can't be lazy, the risks are too great, the seconds we stop pushing ourselves, something terrible happens, something we never see it's coming" _Grey's_ well, all the words above doesn't say anything wrong....every each of the word is true...not just for a surgeon but for everyone...we can't stop pushing ourselves....and here i am...being lazy all day and focus on something emergency but not something important...that's one thing about me joining organization...i tend to care more about that because i'm not good at it...well, that...

life.update.thinking

hey there bloggers! quite sometime i'm not updating my blog yea? hmmmm so today i feel like typing my heart out! ;pp been a busy, tiring and confusing week for me, owh scary too! why? we'll get to that... study wise, hmmm so far so good...i just still feel like a directionless sail... still figure out what and which to do, to figure out and to plan next...haihhhh normal... book, papers, presentation, friends, money and fooddddd yeah, i have to put food as one of the things i'm thinking and trying about...why? haha normal issue...

tomorrow officially year 2^^

people of my age might been thinking bout their year 2 of med school as a blurry memories because it's ended longggggggg ago...but for me, tomorrow it is! haihhhhh  'the sadness of getting in such a late train' i can't deny it's surfacing my throat every day.... but yeah, i chose it, and i'm sticking with it...bitter or sweet, i shall finish my journey... well! i'm forever 18!!^^ (=____+) haiihhhhhh ok, let's just pin that on the wall and not gonna keep looking at it? to throw it into the bin is to deny the truth, so just pin it...

worrying time comes again....

they said happy time will always end faster than the sorrow's... so, is it true? my happiness just expired...can i say that? ..nope.. let's just think...it's getting lessen by the minute i'm trying to wait for it...yeah let's put it up that way so, am i going to keep waiting for it? yeah~ who doesn't....i just won't keep my hope so high...but still, let's just pray hard.... sathu...

2nd year coming

done first year... and i just got my result today for whole year point... FBS n RPS  what to say ya... personally i know i have to do better... but the result is...thank God... nothing much to say rather than just to thank God for everything... this playful kid will do better...must do better! Can go home with less guilt now... deep inside u know u have much more guilt to bear sumy... with all those hours i spent trolling around and not studying...would've done better sumy... so... just try better,  do better, and strive...

my principle? simple

my principle is simple, once u messing around with me, i'll make sure u know u messing around with me...that's it...nothing much^^ i won't pay back what u did...i'll just announce awesomely that u messing around with me :) welcome to my black list community^^ welcome2...

DONE 1ST YEAR

done first year!! happy or not eh? don't know la... feel like something is wrong...yeah of course, haven't get result yet...haihhhh worst thing ever waiting for result.... God...guide me through.....

it's eating me up~

i'm so selfish back then... i wanted to be alone.... so i said "ok, let's just get my ass into any busiest job on earth, because i don't want to be in any relationship anyway, and i like to be alone...." IDIOT now it strikes me hard....i barely have time to take care of my mother... i'm the only child...and here i am...so far away and can't even help her with laundry....at least... and i'm so far away from my old friends...so hard to keep in touch because whatever topic they're talking, i have no idea it existed glad glad glad...

price of being born with or without money

born with money; -i have no idea how- because i'm not born without money; i know it so well .... first, you will keep on wondering how it feels like to be born with money... yeah it is... day and night... wondering if your life will be better if u're born like that... but in another view, you will feel so damn lucky that u're not on of those spoiled brat who live their life thinking of nothing but themselves...oppss no offense~ and...u tend to appreciate every single little cent that u have in hand... u tend to...

that feeling being in the middle of Belgium chocolates

i'm that type that i came from cocoa tree...that type chocolate that not yet being process... but those people around me? they are Belgium Chocolates...that already being process, packed and sell so nicely on store... i can't bring myself there with them because i'm not the same... and the best part is none of them even try to be with me... i'm always the one who need to try to be there with them... which i learned it hard way... so from now on, why i even bother? let's just live where i am...and let's see who i'm gonna meet in my way then... let's...

sadness of life...

the sadness of life is that when you don't realize who you actually are... and you have been trying to be someone else and some how some day you're getting tired of failure to be someone else that you realize why can't you be yourselves to get what u want?  why you need to be someone else to get what you want or to where you want to be? i have been thinking....if other person study for 5 hours and can get A...then why i need to study 3 days for that? so it bugged me real bad...can i live the way they live and get what they get? NO i...

so father's day is here

i know i'm not the only one... father, dad, daddy, papa...those words i never use them in my life... sad in a view but another is curiosity...curious how it feels like to have one... but God is fair...i have awesome uncles... they do take care of me well... may be it's my price to pay... i have awesome mum... my life will be too perfect if i have a dad...haha no matter where you are...as much as i can do...is to pray for your well being... i used to hate, angry and despise all your doings...but at the end of the day, i won't be here in...

a bit more to go...but yet so far...

nnt dah nak abis final dah.... then judisium...then balikkkkk but yet got super camp...so, leh balik kejap jek...ntt cuti 3 mggu jek...org lain bkn main 2/3 bln...haiyaaa it's okkkk super camp gonna be fun!! ner g kampung2...but still don't know wht we need to do later.... sathuk...few more papers to go... sathuk...hope pass al...

FINAL IS HERE

FINAL REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM SEM 2  is here...yeah not kidding... dah abis 2 papers... BHP II  PHOP II and SOOCA in one day... haiyooo 13 cases to understand and analyze and memorize.... die die die... this sem result will determine everything in my life for the next 1 year.... goshhhh i really need to do good for this one.... the question is not can? it is...how? die die die... show me some light....if You already showed me one...please let me see it... sathuk.....

i never did...hard enough...

i never pray hard enough... i never study hard enough.... i never love hard enough... i never care hard enough... i never concern hard enough... everything i did in life is in ignorance level... because i'm always too scared to go deeper... deeper makes me hope more...and when i hope, if i fail, i'll get hurt... there are lots of reasons why people fail in life... one of it is scared to be successful... because i can't accept the fact that  what i'm getting is worse than what i used to achieve... God...i shall pray more... at...

no words..

final's coming... i'm trying not to be panic....&nbs...

tak sabar nak duduk kat kosan...

xsabar nak duduk kat kosan.... but i'm sure gonna miss bale a lot... here is cozy, big space and have awesome guards taking care of bale 24 hours... there in kosan...don't have guard... the space is small and don't have giant window for me to enjoy the wind like i did everyday here in bale... but what can i do...that's all i can find... close to UNPAD, the price is affordable... haihhh sokay la... it will be fineeee i will have whole bunch of friends there also...it's going to be fineeee >.< can't wait to decorate the room, clean...