life.update.thinking

hey there bloggers!

quite sometime i'm not updating my blog yea?

hmmmm

so today i feel like typing my heart out! ;pp

been a busy, tiring and confusing week for me, owh scary too! why? we'll get to that...

study wise, hmmm so far so good...i just still feel like a directionless sail...

still figure out what and which to do, to figure out and to plan next...haihhhh

normal...

book, papers, presentation, friends, money and fooddddd

yeah, i have to put food as one of the things i'm thinking and trying about...why?

haha normal issue for me; weight gain >.<

skip that~~~~~

i was bathing just now, and as people say, you often thinking of something new, or getting ideas from there

so do i today...

all of sudden, i'm asking myself, what is my purpose in life?

what do i want?

who i wanna become?

 and am i closer to that?

as i live, now for 23 years...i don't feel like i'm growing...or developing...

i need to develop...like errr more knowledge, more perspective in life, more goals and missions...

i'm just recently....so much going with the flow that i forget what i want, or what i should be doing...

they say people can get lost sometime....

now i feel that way...

feel tired, unorganized, scared, and sensitive....

maybe this is hormone talking (one of the reasons i hate being born as a woman),

but still, i'm thinking about it....

i barely pray....

i barely have real talk with my mum now,

i don't text my friends,

and i'm not focus with tasks in hands...

what am i doing?

why am i so lost?

why am i so distracted from reality?

what happen inside my head?

then i think...think...and think again....

maybe i'm too attached to the world...

when i say world, i means people around...

maybe i'm trying too hard to keep up with the pace and forget what i actually needed to do...

i think so...

maybe i should start with prayers,

calling home, get in touch with friends and try to focus and not running away from my responsibility...

it's okay to get scared right? it's healthy...

well thanks to those who let me walk alone...thanks to those who made me do group jobs on my own...

the stress, whatever that won't kill me make me stronger...

maybe it's time for me to admit i need helps...

maybe it's time for me to contact the world...

yeah...it's time for me to try and get out of my comfort zone...

who say i'll get nothing in return? 

i get to fight, i get to learn, i get to grow and be more positive about life...

people all around me are just like me...there're human who did mistakes and lead a normal life like i do...

so why am i so scared of being weak? everyone is weak....

maybe the first step to become stronger is to admit that i'm weak and working on it...

yeah maybe so...

Give me strength...give me lights...give me spirits to carry on my passions....

sathuk~