Cliche

"Hate To See Your Heart Break"

Paramore

There is not a single word in the whole world

That could describe the hurt

The dullest knife just sawing back and forth

And ripping through the softest skin there ever was

How were you to know?

Oh, how were you to know?

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

Love happens all the time

To people who aren't kind

And heroes who are blind

Expecting perfect scripted movie scenes

Who wants an awkward silent mystery?

How were you to know?

Well, how were you to know-oh-oh?

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

For all the air that's in your lungs

For all the joy that is to come

For all the things that you're alive to feel

Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal

Oh, how were you to know? (How were you to know?)

Oh, how were you to know?

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

And I, I hate to see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

easily awkward

i'm easily awkward...even to my close ones...
those who can make me feel totally comfortable and not awkward, that's the winners...

i just wanna see if we belong...
maybe its too soon to tell from before, but i already set the answer as no...and it still is till now...
what is there in the middle i don't know...
we just don't belong....
maybe that's the answer, we just don't belong...
as simple as that, and i can't force it...
only God knows everything...and only Him will allow things to happen...
if we don't belong, and not meant for each other then maybe i should just stop whatever i'm doing that i think we're belong...
it's sad...but its the truth...and i'm so sorry for both of us or at least for myself...
God..ease me through people God...ease me through...

i'm scared to go back home...

i don't know why i have this feeling that i'm scared to be at home...

at home..i'm so small...i can't earn, i can't give much and all i'm doing is just laze around using my mum'm money and kill time...

i'm scared i won't make it worth...

i wanna be worth...do something, anything, to show my family that i care for their sacrifices...

i want them to know that i know how much they're going through...

God, i wanna be good daughter and grand daughter...

i wanna be matter...

i wanna contribute...

if only i know how..

but then a voice inside my head;

"Go back sumy, they wanna see you..."

"Go back sumy, house chores is the least you could do"

"Go back sumy, accompany your mum through the nights"

"Go back sumy, just go back, and spend time with them"

"Go back, maybe it's you that need them more then they need you"

"Go back and Wai Phrak, because that's the one thing that always help you through bad times"

"Just go back, and fight the rumors, the talks, or whatever people are thinking out of you"

"Just go back and show people that you're still alive..."

I have no one back at home, just my mum and my grand ma and those puppies...

i have no best friend that so long never met, and missing to hell to meet...nope,

everyone have their own boyfriends and lives that i can't catch up with...

well, whose fault is that? yeah me of course...

i don't bother to keep in touch so who are there to welcome me back?

haihhhhh sadness to be at home is that one thing...

LONELY...

how can women be so disgusting?

i'm a woman...

i see women around me, women around the world, women stories...

how can women be so disgusting?

define disgusting?

they can be so lost in emotions... 

they can be so lost in stupidity...

how can they be so lost?

i see most of women are so lost in relationships...

i don't know about guys because i'm not one of them...

so all i'm gonna say about is what i see...what i experience...

and women are not gonna like it when i put it this way...

don't worry gals...i'm one of you...

so, what was i saying? yes, how can women be so lost in relationships? in loves?

i see lots of women are so lost in it...when i say 'lost';

they doubt their own selves...

they doubt their own beauties...

they doubt their own personality...

they doubt their own capabilities...

why can't they see? real beauty, real personality, real capability?

Men are so lucky just to get any woman...all women are pretty, all women will do anything just to keep their men happy, all women are hopelessly cares and worries...yes dude, ALL WOMEN are the same...

So women, why are you so lost in it? why let men treat you as such you have nothing to be respected? why let men define if you're good or bad? maybe love does so? maybe i'm too lost to see it because i've never be in one? or have i been avoiding because i don't wanna get lost in it?

whatever it is...how can women be so lost in it? so insecure, so doubtful...

oh dears...you all have nothing to worry about...men are just so lucky just to have you...

'good enough' 'compatible' 'pretty enough' oh God...all of these words are overrated! 

are they good enough for you? are they treating you the way they should be treating you?

stop being so lost in it...stop being so disgusting...

my God...what will i face after i wrote this? will i face the same thing?

i don't want to...

i don't want to be that kind of women...

will i be the same?

i don't want to...

please...i don't want to be like that...

i don't want to be disgusting~

came across this song

Song For Zula 

by Phosphorescent

Some say love is a burning thing

That it makes a fiery ring

Oh but I know love as a fading thing

Just as fickle as a feather in a stream

See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me

It put its face up to my face so I could see

Yeah then I saw love disfigure me

Into something I am not recognizing

See, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”

I will not open myself up this way again

Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand

I will not lay like this for days now upon end

You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand

To be acknowledge by some touch from his gnarled hands

You see, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”

I will not open myself up this way again

You see, the moon is bright in that treetop night

I see the shadows that we cast in the cold, clean light

My feet are gold. My heart is white

And we race out on the desert plains all night

See, honey, I am not some broken thing

I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee

No my heart is gold. My feet are light

And I am racing out on the desert plains all night

So some say love is a burning thing

That it makes a fiery ring

Oh but I know love as a caging thing

Just a killer come to call from some awful dream

O and all you folks, you come to see

You just stand there in the glass looking at me

But my heart is wild. And my bones are steam

And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free

have you ever walk down that memory lane?

that memory lane...

that time that i was so nervous, hopeful, tortured by wishes and omg so many more feelings that are impossible to list down one by one...

then here i am...nearly finishing my 2nd year here like i won't believe it's happening...

few more exams then i'm done with 2nd year...

but urghhh

MRP, MIED, KOSAN PAYMENT, UNPAD PAYMENT and bla bla bla...

gosh everything wraps up like wanna kill me alive...

even worst on my mum...

God, ease us through this God...i really wish i can finish years here and go back as a successful doctor...

i ask so much that sometime i ashamed of myself...

am i worth it?

will every penny my mum spent on me be worth it?

God...i'm really really really scareddddd 

:( 

help me...

one of Malay song...

"Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku sebut namamu

Kan ku tulis lagumu

Akan ku katakan kata-kata indah

Hanya untukmu

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku sebut namamu

Kan ku tulis lagumu

Akan ku katakan kata-kata indah

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku doakan kamu

Menyempurnakan aku

Akan ku buatkan semua yang terindah"

you know what's scary?

you know what's scary?

not the unseen love...
not the soulmate who never appear in your life...
not the rejection feeling that you get from your love ones...

but

it's the person who can't love...
it's the person who thinks she doesn't not meant to love or to be loved...
it's the person who trying her best to run away from it...and never think for a second that
she deserves some warms and loves from people...

that's scary...

because from that...she has been hurting people who have pure feeling for her...
because from that...she thinks she gonna ended up alone but lots of hands out there trying to hold
and walk with her...
she disappoints them all...

does she deserve those loves?
who on earth doesn't deserve love?
is love that scary?
is warm burning her up?

or is the cold after the warmth that make she scared?

because nothing stays...you know..nothing stays...

everything changes...

the person who said love you today might be gone tomorrow...
and what is this girl going to do when that happen?

maybe she needs to get over that thought...
that thought that she doesn't deserve any loves...or hurts...
everyone deserves to be loved and hurt...

what's a life without hurt?

dull isn't it?

maybe it's time to open up to love and hurt...
they come in package...no matter what you do...

maybe yeah...that's the word... OPEN UP

open up to people, to love, to warm and to hurt itself...

maybe that's what life is about...

to love

to be loved

to do mistake

and to be hurting...

accept it sumy...accept it...and take it...don't throw it away~

compilation doa2 Amaaaa^^

DOA-DOA AMA:

-  Wanni Amma Thambun Pai Wat Jungkau,Pha Dork Mali'Pai Pucha Luang Pho Na Dam Kho Hai Che Tham Exam Hai Dai Caaahh Sathuukk Lork Naah

- Che Amma doakan Che buat yg terbaik dlm exam doa ini Amma panjangkan kepada kawan-kawan Che jugak

- tarik nafas n go tru one by oneee

- rakh a che caahhh

- che ama rakh che thisudd

- kho hai lork mi khuam suk mark markkk lek chork dee nai exam tmrw cahhh.

Amma uai phorn hai che ans all q dee cahhh

- kho hai lork mi khuam suk sumithra mark markkkk...

- sathuk che amma wai phrak kho hai che tham dai lork eiii

- chayok sumy all the of luck sathukk

- don't worry ama pray for a che thurk wan caah lork eiii

- ke my life surrounding by joy, she gave me strength to fight for the life tqvm happy mother's day

- a baby on ama lap now hsa turn to a big girl already she maaa...ama rakh che thisud cahh

- steady sumy, all the best...

what a breath takingggg

Sathukkkk

remember

what makes you the happiest is the only thing that makes you sad the most....

have you ever scared of what you talked?

i do...
it's haunting me...
whatever i talked...
i scared of what it might bring...
i scared of it's impact...
because nothing goes around doing nothing...
even air is needed to be inhaled...
even rubbish needed to be recycled...
what about words?
that coming out of us...
words that passed through our brain...
so it sure meant something...
because that's what measured our brain..
on how it works...
it's important...
very very important...
and meaningful...
yeah that's the word...meaningful..
everything is meaningful...

i spent so much time worrying...

i spent too much time worrying about things i shouldn't be worrying about...

i spent so much time trying to walk in someone else's shoes that i forgot to tie mine...

i spent so much time thinking that people will be doing the same...but no..they're not...

i spent so much time thinking, tip toeing, and caring that i forgot how to live...

i won't do it anymore...will i ever?

i scared of myself that i can't trust myself to be normal...to do what normal people do...you know, not caring and stuff...

i'm such a naive...

and i feel stupid...

feel wasted and empty...

God, if i ever love myself like people do...

i should have gotten better life, better results and even meet better people...i guess~

tomorrow

tomorrow i'm turning 24...and yet...i feel so hopeless and helpless...

haihhhhh

aging doesn't help here...

it's just minus all my chances...

maybe some...

lot's of scholarship will be unavailable and tons more i'm not qualified for...

i should be grateful...

i should...but it just hit me on what such a failure i've become...

just sad...

damn sad...

searching for that person

so, think...who you gonna miss then...

WIZ KHALIFA

"See You Again"

(feat. Charlie Puth)

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again

Damn who knew all the planes we flew

Good things we've been through

That I'll be standing right here

Talking to you about another path I

Know we loved to hit the road and laugh

But something told me that it wouldn't last

Had to switch up look at things different see the bigger picture

Those were the days hard work forever pays now I see you in a better place

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

when I see you again

First you both go out your way

And the vibe is feeling strong and what's

Small turn to a friendship a friendship

Turn into a bond and that bond will never

Be broke and the love will never get lost

And when brotherhood come first then the line 

Will never be crossed established it on our own

When that line had to be drawn and that line is what

We reach so remember me when I'm gone

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

So let the light guide your way hold every memory

As you go and every road you take will always lead you home

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again