you know what's scary?

you know what's scary?

not the unseen love...
not the soulmate who never appear in your life...
not the rejection feeling that you get from your love ones...

but

it's the person who can't love...
it's the person who thinks she doesn't not meant to love or to be loved...
it's the person who trying her best to run away from it...and never think for a second that
she deserves some warms and loves from people...

that's scary...

because from that...she has been hurting people who have pure feeling for her...
because from that...she thinks she gonna ended up alone but lots of hands out there trying to hold
and walk with her...
she disappoints them all...

does she deserve those loves?
who on earth doesn't deserve love?
is love that scary?
is warm burning her up?

or is the cold after the warmth that make she scared?

because nothing stays...you know..nothing stays...

everything changes...

the person who said love you today might be gone tomorrow...
and what is this girl going to do when that happen?

maybe she needs to get over that thought...
that thought that she doesn't deserve any loves...or hurts...
everyone deserves to be loved and hurt...

what's a life without hurt?

dull isn't it?

maybe it's time to open up to love and hurt...
they come in package...no matter what you do...

maybe yeah...that's the word... OPEN UP

open up to people, to love, to warm and to hurt itself...

maybe that's what life is about...

to love

to be loved

to do mistake

and to be hurting...

accept it sumy...accept it...and take it...don't throw it away~

compilation doa2 Amaaaa^^

DOA-DOA AMA:

-  Wanni Amma Thambun Pai Wat Jungkau,Pha Dork Mali'Pai Pucha Luang Pho Na Dam Kho Hai Che Tham Exam Hai Dai Caaahh Sathuukk Lork Naah

- Che Amma doakan Che buat yg terbaik dlm exam doa ini Amma panjangkan kepada kawan-kawan Che jugak

- tarik nafas n go tru one by oneee

- rakh a che caahhh

- che ama rakh che thisudd

- kho hai lork mi khuam suk mark markkk lek chork dee nai exam tmrw cahhh.

Amma uai phorn hai che ans all q dee cahhh

- kho hai lork mi khuam suk sumithra mark markkkk...

- sathuk che amma wai phrak kho hai che tham dai lork eiii

- chayok sumy all the of luck sathukk

- don't worry ama pray for a che thurk wan caah lork eiii

- ke my life surrounding by joy, she gave me strength to fight for the life tqvm happy mother's day

- a baby on ama lap now hsa turn to a big girl already she maaa...ama rakh che thisud cahh

- steady sumy, all the best...

what a breath takingggg

Sathukkkk

remember

what makes you the happiest is the only thing that makes you sad the most....

have you ever scared of what you talked?

i do...
it's haunting me...
whatever i talked...
i scared of what it might bring...
i scared of it's impact...
because nothing goes around doing nothing...
even air is needed to be inhaled...
even rubbish needed to be recycled...
what about words?
that coming out of us...
words that passed through our brain...
so it sure meant something...
because that's what measured our brain..
on how it works...
it's important...
very very important...
and meaningful...
yeah that's the word...meaningful..
everything is meaningful...

i spent so much time worrying...

i spent too much time worrying about things i shouldn't be worrying about...

i spent so much time trying to walk in someone else's shoes that i forgot to tie mine...

i spent so much time thinking that people will be doing the same...but no..they're not...

i spent so much time thinking, tip toeing, and caring that i forgot how to live...

i won't do it anymore...will i ever?

i scared of myself that i can't trust myself to be normal...to do what normal people do...you know, not caring and stuff...

i'm such a naive...

and i feel stupid...

feel wasted and empty...

God, if i ever love myself like people do...

i should have gotten better life, better results and even meet better people...i guess~

tomorrow

tomorrow i'm turning 24...and yet...i feel so hopeless and helpless...

haihhhhh

aging doesn't help here...

it's just minus all my chances...

maybe some...

lot's of scholarship will be unavailable and tons more i'm not qualified for...

i should be grateful...

i should...but it just hit me on what such a failure i've become...

just sad...

damn sad...

searching for that person

so, think...who you gonna miss then...

WIZ KHALIFA

"See You Again"

(feat. Charlie Puth)

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again

Damn who knew all the planes we flew

Good things we've been through

That I'll be standing right here

Talking to you about another path I

Know we loved to hit the road and laugh

But something told me that it wouldn't last

Had to switch up look at things different see the bigger picture

Those were the days hard work forever pays now I see you in a better place

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

when I see you again

First you both go out your way

And the vibe is feeling strong and what's

Small turn to a friendship a friendship

Turn into a bond and that bond will never

Be broke and the love will never get lost

And when brotherhood come first then the line 

Will never be crossed established it on our own

When that line had to be drawn and that line is what

We reach so remember me when I'm gone

How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride

So let the light guide your way hold every memory

As you go and every road you take will always lead you home

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from where we began

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

When I see you again

stop

so Buddha said; 

"If you try to fix others, have you tried fixing yourselves? it is hard?"

"so, even yourself is hard to fix, what about fixing others? isn't that meant it's quite impossible?"

so, whatever force outside that try their best to get your attention for anger, for revenge, for envy...

stop...

stop and think and stop that feeling within yourselves...

fix it from inside...

fix it bit by bit til you get over it...

stop within yourselves...

so let the peace comes from within...

don't search form outside...

you might think problems are always coming from the world...

but the real problem is always how you deal with it..so stop...what people are trying to do to provoke you, just stop...stop it within yourselves~

always think twice before you act, you know better...think why they do that thing they're doing...

then sometimes, it's them who need to be saved.

true happiness

true happiness is not exactly having giant house, tons of cars or big expensive breakfast...

true happiness is sometime simply means having someone who shares your sadness in your true sad...

someone you can talk to about your sadness for hours and not judging...

someone who understand and won't compare their lives to you...

someone who doesn't come up with impossible suggestions and just listens to what u have to say...

some kind words of supportive and caring...

some kind eyes and not happy wishing your doom...

some true loves, sincere and not pretending...

not pity but love...pity means your sad about it when u hear it...

love means you wanted to share that sadness...it's two different things...seriously...

and i'm asking too much here...because i know it's hard to find one...

and it's quite nearly impossible to search for...

everyone has their own sadness...

everyone has their own problems...

everyone has their own path to walk...

sometime it's just too wasting time to try to walk with other people problems when you have your own...

so, true loves or true happiness is sometime to find those who willingly to walk with you and your sadness even when they have theirs to bear...

the question is, are you yourselves willing to do so for other people if you wish other people to do that for you?

how willing are you?

how willing will you?

that is how much other people are willing for you too...

trust me...

if you're not willing, then don't blame people for their not willingness....

because we are human, and we are the same...

we runs the same code of DNA...so we are not far off different from each other, really...

stop wishing too much sumy, people are not saints...people are not God...

people are human just like you...so stop pining for impossibles~

so they say,,,want it bad enough til you get it

i hope i want it bad enough that one day i'll get it....

have u ever feel...empty?

have you ever feel empty? like literally empty on the inside?

i feel it...

i feel it now...

people are all around me...

chaos, works, study, stuffs...but still i feel empty...

like at the end of the day, i always find myself all by myself and don't have any good feelings or good friends or good person to keep me thinking at night...to keep me missing them at night...i don't have that...just empty...

this feeling sucks...

it made you wanna cry but you couldn't bring yourselves to do it...

empty...

Do you know where your heart is?

"Say (All I Need)"

ONE REPUBLIC 

Do you know where your heart is?

Do you think you can find it?

Or did you trade it for something

Somewhere better just to have it?

Do you know where your love is?

Do you think that you lost it?

You felt it so strong, but

Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

'Cause you won't let go

Of anything you hold

Well, all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest my head

Do you know what your fate is?

And are you trying to shake it?

You're doing your best dance,

Your best look

You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

'Cause you won't let go

Of anything you hold

Well, all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest my head

(say) all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest my head

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Better than you had it

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Yeah, better than you had it (better than you had it)

(say) all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest my head

(say) all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest my head

Do you know where the end is?

Do you think you can see it?

Well, until you get there

Go on, go ahead and scream it

Just say...

i'm letting go

i'm not gonna pretend anymore...i'm letting go~

from now on...i'm not gonna try to like her anymore, from now on i'm not gonna be worried or thinking or planning anything for her anymore...

i'm letting her go...

i  can see clearly now that it doesn't matter no matter how much i try to...

i'm never gonna like her, even before, now or in future....

i'm gonna forget...forget that i used to care...

i'm not gonna try anymore....

that's it...

no more trying to like or 'jaga hati' or whatever...

no more...i'm gonna be me...who love myself and let go~

God give me strength....

God, give me strength to go through those i have to face everyday...

God, give me strength to go through my hatred....

God, give me strength to go through those who works with prides and egoist...

God, hear me out and stay with me....

i don't know how much i can endure this hatred....i don't want it in my heart...i hate this feeling

take it away God...and let me be a free soul...free from hatred, belongs and conceit....

protect me, guide me, stay with me....

tired

i'm too tired...

my lucks seem to run out these days...

i go tutorial...there is no tutor...

my things keep go missing...

kosan's internet doesn't seem to be consistent...

exam is coming but i don't even have study group...

everyone seems to do their own stuff....

i can imagine how my result would be...and i really don't like it...

God...give me  some strength to go through this...sathukkkk