why i want to change the line?

it strikes me hard; ''Why i want to change line?''

why i chose Medicine over Biochemistry or Veterinary before?

why i chose the least possible compare to the possible one?

why i had been so reckless betting on my own time, my feelings, and most of all my future?

it occurred to me before that i might lose them all and yes...it happened to me...

i lost them all...

i can't go where i want, what's already in my hand, i let them go...

at last, all i grab is empty air....

and now i'm still asking myself...why did i do that to myself?

and why on earth that i'm being so reckless?

it all comes down to one simple answer...

.D.E.S.I.R.E.

i desire to do Medicine...

i desire to pursuit my dream of becoming a doctor...

even people say, it's reckless, impossible and hopeless...

but in me...that desire is just never end hoping to surface...

now, i'm still even trying for another time...

another last time...

the outcomes might be the same or comes true...

it all depends on me, my fate, my hard works and most of all God's willing....

but before i jump to that end with my own doubt and imagination,

i will have my own last fight for it...

for now, i'll just think that, it's more possible with more effort...

i shall fight and try another one last time...

just this one...another one shot left to bet on...

because later, when the battle end, and the champion is announced, 

i will not have anymore chance but to accept the result....

when the battle end...

i will have to accept the fact that i can try no more...

i can hope no more...

and i can dream no more...

all i need to do is to accept it and go on...

God, forgives me....

i dream too high that i'm still not sure if i can't make myself growing that high...

but, i'm trying...

i'm trying...

i'm trying...

God, i'm trying...bless me~