is it meant...giving up?

i have all reasons to give up and walk away...

since my first trial, is not what it's looked like....

and turned out the other way round....

and now i'm telling myself to have faith and try it again...

it went well for couple of weeks....

but now i realize...

i don't try anymore...

i get lazy...

i waste most of my time finding reason not to put myself to study...

i give up is it?

in my head, all i think is ; 

It won't happen, it will fail anyway, it's out of my league, bla..bla..bla...

all these thoughts made me who i am today...

all these fears fight and kill my faith til i can't see any of it left....

God....why it is so hard for me to trust myself and be able to make myself trusting myself?

i'm indeed going through lots of fails...but is that mean there will be no success for me in the future?

why am i keep telling myself that i'm gonna fail again?

why it is so hard for me to have gut to face it and change my attitude to become a better student?

get study and get great scores later in exam?

i hate giving up feeling! >.<

because sometime, i don't even realize it is there, dragging me down....

i feel supper stupid, self-destruct, useless and hopeless now ;((((

all i wish to have is WILL, BRAVE, FAITH and PASSION...

all these words, do hard to come by....

God....give me strength....