Light

i wanna be someone who is light in her sleep,
light in her eating,
light in her needs,

i wanna be someone who sits there happily to see someone else's happy...

i wanna be light in my needs and heavy on her gratitude towards things that come to her life...

i want to be a human who don't want much, and light on things, anger, lust and greed...

God...help me...guide me through my path...guide me so that i can find myself out there who is at least half of what i want to become...

I want to be good...i want to be glad and thankful...God...please....

This is too long

This is too long...
Im wasting my time here...
Wasting money and energy...
When i should be taking care of my mum..
Not busting my ass here and wasting her money and time not to be taken care of...
My God what have i done with my life??
Im regret...regret being too dumb too stupid too ignorant too shallow to think it through before making my decision 3 years ago...
My God...what have i done...
I should be home taking care of her...

it's sad that it's all turned out to be the same...

it's saddened me that all of the people i know turned out to be the same when it comes to relationship...
i don' t want to be like that if i'm in one...but who am i to think i can make it turns out differently...
sure will be the same thing anyway...maybe that's why it's so hard for me to try one...
maybe i'm not ready to lose myself yet...

Stupid heart or stupid brain?

one thing about heart is that..its stupid,...
it feels too deep, it falls too fast and it won't forget...

it's all about our thinking and dependence...

we are so depend on the one we care about to make us happy...

we are so hung up on the fact that with their existence only that we are matter...and the day will be matter...

seriously? where is all our worthy? where is all our own values? to make ourselves happy on our own...

that is why i said...stupid heart...stupid brain...

can't get over the fact that one self is matter and only one self that can make real happiness...

After all....

after all...
after all...
after all...
yeah why not...

Toxicity

have you ever been to a place where you stand there alone and you feel the fresh air passing by?

but then come a person stand by your side, and give some energy towards you and the environment...and if it's positive, then you will feel like the environment is still nice, but then if it's negative then you feel like the environment has been polluted...

so you start to have feelings that the air is dirty, smoke and harmful for your lungs...

then comes the suffocation....

so you try your best to stay in that kind of environment...you wear masks...change is from day to day to keep it clean...

but then have you ever run out of 'mask' to wear? like literally 'forgot to go to the store?'

and there you are..sitting and suffocating...

when am i gonna get used to it? when am i gonna get immune to this? when am i gonna let go of the fact that i have to create a better place...not the other people...

i shall stop blaming the surrounding and start getting my own oxygen tank...so that i can survive and stay healthy here...

well readers...sorry for such metaphor...i really don't know how to convey this in a better form...

God, lead me...

Dr House

Before, i was watching house and wanna become a doctor...now i watch it and was asking...what kind of doctor i wanna become...
Will i be a good doctor? Am i approachable? Will i be a safe doctor?
Those are questions i have to seek for...

In the midst of giving up

In the midst of everyone is so giving up on life here...what should i do??
Everyone else is so focusing on their problems that people are actually forgot we come here to study and shall use positive force to cheer each other up...
What to do if no one here is acting like friends to each other anymore...
What to do when all the action came out from each person is all the negative forces...
What to do when the roof we living in are so suffocating and feel like a prison?
What to do if we are so giving up and dont wanna fight this anymore??
Why i feel like this place is getting more and more gloomy by days?
Why i keep on trying to survive at this place when i shouldnt??
Why i keep on getting aura that this place is full of unhappiness??
What happen to me?? Am i the problem? Thinking too much??

Oh whyyy

Oh why i feel ao empty...
What is this stupid emptiness??
I cant move...i cant focus...i cant breathe....
Oh God why its so empty...
Is all my passions gone??
Do i actually dont want to do this anymore??
Why when we finally get what want...and all we did is throwing it all away??
Phrak eiii chuai che duai...sathukkk

all i want is...

all i want is just a peace of mind....
all i want is just to know answers that i'm seeking...
all i want is just a little space to have my mind spoken...
all i want is just not to be in competition with the one i care about...

but human...
they tend to fight for their rights...
they tend to be so determine that their needs are more important than us...
they tend to put their needs in the form of cares, of helps, of sweet words...
and make us believe that that's what they actually meant...
but at the end of the day, what they want are actually what they come for...

all i want is just a peace of mind...to be able to trust that those around me
are actually care, are actually think that i matter...

but sadly, what i can i hope from it....

people are what they want...
people are what they need...

and all i need is just a peace of mind that i can trust people around me....

i just want the care i gave...

just tonight...i miss you

just tonight i miss you...
just tonight i'm gonna imagine you and missing you to the bit!!

owh how long have i been having this little feeling for you that keep on growing as time passed....
i have known you like forever...since we small, since we running around playing hide and seek...
you inspired me through primary school, through high school, and ever since...

i have always been lazy to study...but with the idea of you...who is so so so diligent...i tend to push myself through it...

just tonight i miss you...
just tonight i miss you...
just tonight i miss you...

i miss you dear...my inspiration~

there are so many things...

there are so many things going on...
there are so many people we dwell with...
there are so many moments occur without our consent....
how to stay focus? how stay true to your own goals?
when others come in and tell you theirs are what matter?
tired of priorities setting...tired of getting time in track and tired of listening to things you won't agree
but have to agree anyway...
there is no such things as alone...people evolve...world evolve and tend to include you...
you can't just wait for everything to stop moving then only you shall find your peace...
as Buddha said "peace come from within..." but seriously...why it's so hard to find one?

it's going to be hell of a sem

it's going to be hell of a sem...
since i have been confused even in my first week...
God...ease me through this...
i'm not capable of having less then it should be...
i have to get as high as possible..
help me through God....help me...

i'm searching for an answer...but why it's so hard to find one...

i can't seem to get close to the answer...
i can't seem to see the answer...
i'm searching for it everywhere...
but nothing i found but disappointment...
God, guide me through....i need answer...and i need solutions...
so i can get out from this sorrow i dig into...get me out...please

i'm searching for an answer...but why it's so hard to find one...

i can't seem to get close to the answer...
i can't seem to see the answer...
i'm searching for it everywhere...
but nothing i found but disappointment...
God, guide me through....i need answer...and i need solutions...
so i can get out from this sorrow i dig into...get me out...please