how can women be so disgusting?

i'm a woman...

i see women around me, women around the world, women stories...

how can women be so disgusting?

define disgusting?

they can be so lost in emotions... 

they can be so lost in stupidity...

how can they be so lost?

i see most of women are so lost in relationships...

i don't know about guys because i'm not one of them...

so all i'm gonna say about is what i see...what i experience...

and women are not gonna like it when i put it this way...

don't worry gals...i'm one of you...

so, what was i saying? yes, how can women be so lost in relationships? in loves?

i see lots of women are so lost in it...when i say 'lost';

they doubt their own selves...

they doubt their own beauties...

they doubt their own personality...

they doubt their own capabilities...

why can't they see? real beauty, real personality, real capability?

Men are so lucky just to get any woman...all women are pretty, all women will do anything just to keep their men happy, all women are hopelessly cares and worries...yes dude, ALL WOMEN are the same...

So women, why are you so lost in it? why let men treat you as such you have nothing to be respected? why let men define if you're good or bad? maybe love does so? maybe i'm too lost to see it because i've never be in one? or have i been avoiding because i don't wanna get lost in it?

whatever it is...how can women be so lost in it? so insecure, so doubtful...

oh dears...you all have nothing to worry about...men are just so lucky just to have you...

'good enough' 'compatible' 'pretty enough' oh God...all of these words are overrated! 

are they good enough for you? are they treating you the way they should be treating you?

stop being so lost in it...stop being so disgusting...

my God...what will i face after i wrote this? will i face the same thing?

i don't want to...

i don't want to be that kind of women...

will i be the same?

i don't want to...

please...i don't want to be like that...

i don't want to be disgusting~

came across this song

Song For Zula 

by Phosphorescent

Some say love is a burning thing

That it makes a fiery ring

Oh but I know love as a fading thing

Just as fickle as a feather in a stream

See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me

It put its face up to my face so I could see

Yeah then I saw love disfigure me

Into something I am not recognizing

See, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”

I will not open myself up this way again

Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand

I will not lay like this for days now upon end

You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand

To be acknowledge by some touch from his gnarled hands

You see, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”

I will not open myself up this way again

You see, the moon is bright in that treetop night

I see the shadows that we cast in the cold, clean light

My feet are gold. My heart is white

And we race out on the desert plains all night

See, honey, I am not some broken thing

I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee

No my heart is gold. My feet are light

And I am racing out on the desert plains all night

So some say love is a burning thing

That it makes a fiery ring

Oh but I know love as a caging thing

Just a killer come to call from some awful dream

O and all you folks, you come to see

You just stand there in the glass looking at me

But my heart is wild. And my bones are steam

And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free

have you ever walk down that memory lane?

that memory lane...

that time that i was so nervous, hopeful, tortured by wishes and omg so many more feelings that are impossible to list down one by one...

then here i am...nearly finishing my 2nd year here like i won't believe it's happening...

few more exams then i'm done with 2nd year...

but urghhh

MRP, MIED, KOSAN PAYMENT, UNPAD PAYMENT and bla bla bla...

gosh everything wraps up like wanna kill me alive...

even worst on my mum...

God, ease us through this God...i really wish i can finish years here and go back as a successful doctor...

i ask so much that sometime i ashamed of myself...

am i worth it?

will every penny my mum spent on me be worth it?

God...i'm really really really scareddddd 

:( 

help me...

one of Malay song...

"Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku sebut namamu

Kan ku tulis lagumu

Akan ku katakan kata-kata indah

Hanya untukmu

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku sebut namamu

Kan ku tulis lagumu

Akan ku katakan kata-kata indah

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Kan ku doakan kamu

Menyempurnakan aku

Akan ku buatkan semua yang terindah"

you know what's scary?

you know what's scary?

not the unseen love...
not the soulmate who never appear in your life...
not the rejection feeling that you get from your love ones...

but

it's the person who can't love...
it's the person who thinks she doesn't not meant to love or to be loved...
it's the person who trying her best to run away from it...and never think for a second that
she deserves some warms and loves from people...

that's scary...

because from that...she has been hurting people who have pure feeling for her...
because from that...she thinks she gonna ended up alone but lots of hands out there trying to hold
and walk with her...
she disappoints them all...

does she deserve those loves?
who on earth doesn't deserve love?
is love that scary?
is warm burning her up?

or is the cold after the warmth that make she scared?

because nothing stays...you know..nothing stays...

everything changes...

the person who said love you today might be gone tomorrow...
and what is this girl going to do when that happen?

maybe she needs to get over that thought...
that thought that she doesn't deserve any loves...or hurts...
everyone deserves to be loved and hurt...

what's a life without hurt?

dull isn't it?

maybe it's time to open up to love and hurt...
they come in package...no matter what you do...

maybe yeah...that's the word... OPEN UP

open up to people, to love, to warm and to hurt itself...

maybe that's what life is about...

to love

to be loved

to do mistake

and to be hurting...

accept it sumy...accept it...and take it...don't throw it away~