why is that everyone else seemed so...happy?

everyone...everyone around me seems so happy...

so perfect, so alive, so content...

they have lots of stories to share and i just...just have nothing to share back...

they are just...so damn happy...

am i being jealous? NO...

i'm happy for them...

but i just wonder, when is the last time i have had that kind of moment?

do i even have one before?

i just can't remember when is the last time i'm being happy...

people's life are moving on so beautifully that i'm sometime getting confused, 

why the hell that i'm the only one who can't get to feel it too??

they have their education,

they have their family members,

they have their boyfriends,

they have their girlfriends,

they have their siblings,

they just...have everything....

and they are so so so happy...

and me? 

on contrary, 

sitting here blogging, 

wondering why other people's life are so wonderful...

pathetic...i know...

God, gives me strength to go through this...

is it this is the price i need to pay for what i've taken? 

maybe...

because i pray so hard so that i will get it...

and i must pay for what i prayed for...

maybe this is it...

this is the road i've chosen...

to be alone, to feel lonely, to be sad and to keep being envious on someone else happiness...

God, i'm sorry if i've been there again, not being thankful for what i've got...

i'm so sorry...

i just..just wanna share my happy story too...but i have none of it...

God, i'm glad they are happy...

hope it will last long for them, bless them God...

cause at least from their smiles and laughs and loves...i can feel it too...for at least..a bit...

sathuk...