lowest point

have u ever reach your lowest point of life??

well, to define lowest point of life; means, 

you just can't imagine what's there left for you to live with...

you feel like u're at the dead end, nowhere to escape and engulfing by the darkness...

well, here i am...at that very strategically point...

 i can see no future of my own, i can feel no hope for me to move on, 

and i can feel every pieces of me is dropping one by one, losing hope and will to strive for living...

people, it is really hard to be here, at this point...

to be such a disappointment to your love one,

to be such a useless fella to your community,

to be such a no identity person as a citizen...

it is really hard and urrghhh hard! >.<

some says time will pass and so shall the hardship...

but i never see when that will ever happen....

God, you put me in a very impossible way to move on...

impossible for me, as i'm not all those wise man who can figure out on her own...

what to do, how to do, and where's next...

my plan just keep falling apart...

i barely smile nowadays...

and don't even mention bout laughing...

i just...miss myself that way...

why it is so dark now??

what shall i do??

however, deep..deep..deep inside of my heart...

i still have hope...

a little bit, piece of it...

hope that one day, my life will be better...

i guess now, i have to pay the prices of blessing chances You gave me before...

all those chances that i tossed aside..

all those chances that i screwed them up...

i'm so sorry....i'm too dumb...

i'm so sorry to be such an idiot...

i'm so sorry to be so shallow to decide which and which...

~i'm so sorry~