that feeling being in the middle of Belgium chocolates

i'm that type that i came from cocoa tree...that type chocolate that not yet being process...

but those people around me? they are Belgium Chocolates...that already being process, packed and sell so nicely on store...

i can't bring myself there with them because i'm not the same...

and the best part is none of them even try to be with me...

i'm always the one who need to try to be there with them...

which i learned it hard way...

so from now on, why i even bother?

let's just live where i am...and let's see who i'm gonna meet in my way then...

let's just do that....

sadness of life...

the sadness of life is that when you don't realize who you actually are...

and you have been trying to be someone else and some how some day you're getting tired of failure

to be someone else that you realize why can't you be yourselves to get what u want? 

why you need to be someone else to get what you want or to where you want to be?

i have been thinking....if other person study for 5 hours and can get A...then why i need to study 3 days for that? so it bugged me real bad...can i live the way they live and get what they get?

NO

i can't...because i have my own capacity to achieve things...

i need 3 days of studying only i can answer the questions...they are different compare to me...

of course they do

i can't be sad about that or blame God for that...it's fair...it is always fair...

nothing on earth is not fair...

everything has it's own reason of working out that way...

just maybe in daily basis we found ourselves envy of other people capabilities that we often forgot that 

we might as well have something that other people wish for...

so like it or not..you will have to live with what you have and make that work...

it might not ever come easy for me...but it shall not always be hard and i shall not burden myself with 

doubt, jealousy, envies, or what so ever the feeling that i have towards the others...

i shall stay with myself, reflect inside out of who i am and what i wanna become...

it's okay sumy...it's gonna be okay....use what you have to get what you want...that way, it's going to be okay....

SATHUK~

so father's day is here

i know i'm not the only one...

father, dad, daddy, papa...those words i never use them in my life...

sad in a view but another is curiosity...curious how it feels like to have one...

but God is fair...i have awesome uncles...

they do take care of me well...

may be it's my price to pay...

i have awesome mum...

my life will be too perfect if i have a dad...haha

no matter where you are...as much as i can do...is to pray for your well being...

i used to hate, angry and despise all your doings...but at the end of the day, i won't be here in this world if it is not because of you...

i somehow owe you...

just...God, bless him....

a bit more to go...but yet so far...

nnt dah nak abis final dah....

then judisium...then balikkkkk

but yet got super camp...so, leh balik kejap jek...ntt cuti 3 mggu jek...org lain bkn main 2/3 bln...haiyaaa

it's okkkk

super camp gonna be fun!! ner g kampung2...but still don't know wht we need to do later....

sathuk...few more papers to go...

sathuk...hope pass all~

FINAL IS HERE

FINAL REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM SEM 2 

is here...yeah not kidding...

dah abis 2 papers...

BHP II 

PHOP II

and SOOCA in one day...

haiyooo

13 cases to understand and analyze and memorize....

die die die...

this sem result will determine everything in my life for the next 1 year....

goshhhh i really need to do good for this one....

the question is not can? it is...how?

die die die...

show me some light....if You already showed me one...please let me see it...

sathuk....

i never did...hard enough...

i never pray hard enough...

i never study hard enough....

i never love hard enough...

i never care hard enough...

i never concern hard enough...

everything i did in life is in ignorance level...

because i'm always too scared to go deeper...

deeper makes me hope more...and when i hope, if i fail, i'll get hurt...

there are lots of reasons why people fail in life...

one of it is scared to be successful...

because i can't accept the fact that  what i'm getting is worse than what i used to achieve...

God...i shall pray more...

at least You will hear what i have to say...

at least...I'm not alone like that...

no words..

final's coming...

i'm trying not to be panic.... 

tak sabar nak duduk kat kosan...

xsabar nak duduk kat kosan....

but i'm sure gonna miss bale a lot...

here is cozy, big space and have awesome guards taking care of bale 24 hours...

there in kosan...don't have guard...

the space is small and don't have giant window for me to enjoy the wind like i did everyday here in bale...

but what can i do...that's all i can find...

close to UNPAD, the price is affordable...

haihhh sokay la...

it will be fineeee

i will have whole bunch of friends there also...it's going to be fineeee >.<

can't wait to decorate the room, clean it everyday...

and enjoy the fact that i won't have any roomate!!

huarghahahahah

32 days challenge!!

let's do this like i'm gonna lose weight...

each day counts...

so, let's face another 32 days to final with each day of few achievement...

God....sooca, ocse, mde....

i'm gonna die or pass this tests~

mana semangat nie?

final in 5 weeks, and i can't find any strength left inside of me...

where is it?

why must it left me when i need it most?

God...this is so hard...

i try best to find any sort of inspiration at all to keep me going...

but still, at the end of the day, i find myself wondering around internet, songs and movies...

am i depressed? 

depressed of what?

haihhhhh

what a confusion is this?

what a lonely heart i have now...is that why?

the need of love? fun? friends?

oh God...why it is so hard for my brain to accept that i need to do this?

chachaphutthophutthang...

suffer~

love happens....

i don't think i'm too young to think about it...

i'm thinking about it....

how is it to be loved and to love??

the feeling is so warm, so fulfilling, so happy...

waiting for it is the opposite...

just when?

#asking #waiting #suffering 

hate this things call....

'want'

it changes everything when u have 'want'...

it makes u think,

it makes u try...

it makes u develop...

haihhhh

shall practice on controlling 'want'....

like Buddha said 'want is suffering'....

well, it is....

sathuk...

such a suffer to want like this...

to wait for something u want...

to can't even try for it...

so suffer phrak ei....

sathuk....

preparation for the big showdown...

in 49 days...

FINAL is coming...God....

midterm like what only...errrghhhh

this final have SOOCA n OSCE....

plus MDE for RPS, CRP, PHOP, and BHP...

hope i can survive it...

God >.<!

my 9 April is here....

23 y/o dy this year...

haihhhh

not proud of it by achievement, but proud of it by the blessing God showered on me till now that

i can still walk, talk, breathe, study, and live....

Thank God...

the only person i want by my side today is her...Ama...

goddd i miss her...

thanks to her for me to be here today...

who am i without her....

Thank you Ama....

Happy Birthday Sumy...

chayok!

Midterm Exam Day 4

just ended...

CRP II

(1.00-1.30pm)

yes half an hour paper...baca mcm haram....opsss

*sad*

Midterm Exam Day 3

tomorrow paper;

RPS 1

(8.00 a.m-12.00 p.m)

this paper is kinda hold every possible pointer that i can get....

God bless...hope i can ease this....

(Reproductive System 1)