so much of guilt to bear....so tired....

...

i never know....

i never know my dream will bring me so much of sorrow rather than happiness... i'm so thinking that it will make me happy...but now i know...it's not.... it brings me so much of guilt, so much of sorries, so much of not-belong feeling... because there is those who's suffering just to make sure i'm here...doing what i've always wanted to do... how can i be happy in such state? how can i focus? how can i bear that much of torturing?? God...why i always am made wrong decision?  why i've always ended up being where i'm not suppose to be? where...

...You're gonna Hear Me ROAR....

"Roar" by KATY PERRY I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath Scared to rock the boat and make a mess So I sat quietly, agreed politely I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past the breaking point I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything You held me down, but I got up Already brushing off the dust You hear my voice, you hear that sound Like thunder gonna shake the ground You held me down, but I got up Get ready cause I’ve had enough I see it all, I see it now I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter,...

i'm in scared....

God, i'm in scared... i'm finally i get what i want but i'm scared i'm going to screw it up... i'm scared i can't grab on it long enough... i'm scared i'm not as good as anybody else.... i'm scared i can't do it... i'm scared i'll drop out... i'm scared i can't catch up... i'm scared God...i'm so scared... these fears in me make me chill and trapped in darkness.... when people laugh...i can't even laugh along with them... my head keep thinking what should i do so that i won't 'collapse'... God...bring me through these... i can't study...

banyak nyer cabaran...

nak study satu hal... orang2 sekeliling satu hal.... diri sendiri satu hal... God, give me strength... let me figure things out... let me be able to know what should i do... Let these people being blessed with your love... so they will be happy...so i will be happy... let them know what consideration is cause i'm trying my best to shout out what i need as well as what i've given them... God...let me be happy....i love to be here... this is all i've wanted for my whole life... i wanna be happy... happy is the only way to make...

nothing i do can ever repay you....

i have today...because of you...Ama.... no matter how much i say 'thank you'...it won't be enough... no matter what i do can ever repay your love, your support and your endless trust in me.... i'm just a lucky kid to have you... Ama...thank you... LOVE YOU ...