welcome December! welcome 2013!!

i don't know what to hope for this coming new month n this coming new year... all i hope is that my life will get less suck than it is now... at least let me breathe....

hope n dream my ass~

hope n dream my ass.... i will not believe all those things anymore... from now on... i'm gonna live my life as what i should have been doing long ago... next step... i'm gonna apply for upu... NO VET COURSE! anything will do except all black list course... i'm not gonna live my life as 'rich' n 'title' searcher anymore... i'm gonna apply any course that i will love to do... n then further master.. n work... that's it... i don't have to buy house as i have one.. car?? cheap one sudahhh yeah... God thought me this...this time~ NO...

i'm gonna spend these time...

i'm gonna spend these time i have.... for what ehh?? let's see what i can do, and what i need to do... 1) weight management? = failed tenth times, let's try anew? how bout it? 2) brain supplement 'camp' = my own camp...just for my brain not to get too rusty for learning soooon 3) attitude correction?= yeahhh kinda need it... 4) being a good Buddhist, daughter, grand daughter, person, a life? = working on it~ so, i guess i have lots to do... and lots to do is just a list if i don't have determination n persistence... i hate my self...

Never ever give up...long way to ending~

"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me" By; CHER Feeling broken Barely holding on But there's just something so strong Somewhere inside me And I am down but I'll get up again Don't count me out just yet I've been brought down to my knees And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking But I can take it I'll be back Back on my feet This is far from over You haven't seen the last of me You...

when day doesn't bright.....

when day doesn't bright like it seems, and night doesn't dark like it meant to be.... when all i have is myself to cry to... when all i have is me to say to me that 'Everything is going to be ok'.... i don't know what kind of sins i've done... but this karma is so hard to bare.... i can't sleep at night... i can't see day light as bright as it seems as my eyes are full of tears... why it is so hard on me? now that i has nothing left for...

go back to reality....

i just got to know that i'm not that lucky... i need to go back to reality... i need to go back to upu, and fill in every box like i do this year.... and wait for the result... haihhhh i'm trying to fly without wing... tha's why... i can'...

กรรม

ฉันมันคนมากกรรม......

through hardship u tend to find diamond....

through hardship...u tend to be in lots of stress, can't stand on your own feet and can't even see light... and by that time... u'll find those who try to cheer u up... and stand by u no matter what... and it is not just any body... they are diamonds.... who are so hard to find... and i'm proud to find some... THANK YOU AMA... you always trust in me, and support me no matter how hard it is... sorry for all hardships that i bring to you... u are old, and have lots in mind...but still i bring u troubles...never end~ i'm so sorry... THANK...

i still hope...

God....bless m...

FATE is real deal....

in my life... i'm sort of can't expect anything good out of it... i can't expect perfect family, perfect schools, perfect life.... and now, i'm here waiting like an idiot for fate to reply me an answer... God, i'm so done with fate... what am i suppose to do next? who am i to blame for beside myself?? i'm all wrong... from the start... it's all me... and i hate i...

that feeling of being last in everything

since small, i had been called  gorilla,  shrek,  fiona in beast version, black, curly, giant, mum size and many more even sluggish, pending, slow... hahahah;(((( i am very used to it...really? no, i am not... that feeling of being ugly, slow, stupid is always surface... keep remind me of who i am... keep holding me back.. and i am so afraid of taking chance, wonder if i will blew it... i try my best to be at least 'nice to see type' and average grade type... want to fit in... but truth is like a shadow... it...

news

i got both good news and bad news today CONGRATE to my dear friend, Mustaza Syirin for getting her dream job!! SO SORRY for myself, not getting anywhere yet... SO SORRY for myself who still waiting... SO SORRY for myself for not getting NOC n SSLN yet... DAMN life tough...i jst wish to be happy too... when it's going to end? the sorrow is just too long... too hard... just so hard....

"Jet Lag"

"Jet Lag" (Simple Plan feat. Natasha Bedingfield) The jetlagged What time is it where you are? I miss you more than anything Back at home you feel so far Waitin' for the phone to ring It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down I don't even wanna be in this town Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy You say good morning When it's midnight Going out of my head Alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset And it's driving me mad I miss you so bad And my heart, heart, heart...

tired

i am tired... i am tired of taking care... tired of making decision... tired of giving advice... tired of giving opinion... but she is so lost... plus ego... ego that she will bring to her grave... never let go even how much i hope to be able to go through it... but she always need decision, opinion, advice and care... because she is so lost... how much i wish to be taken care of...but taking care instead... i am so tired... but maybe this is how i am supposed to be... a protector... whom i always wish to be one... i want to...

nothing will change

Life tests u again n again but nothing will change if u set ur goal tough and unshaken life is life...bad n good comes from day to day...we just have to admit it and move forward from day to day we just have to prepare ourself for something bigger because bigger age number means greater responsibility and greater destiny prepare urself...play and go along with it but never give up fell? all u have to do is just stand again...to be able...