i can't tell how much...

i just can't utter the word worry...i just can't express it out... if i do...it gonna effect her...she is even more worry than me.. i know... but God...right now...i'm like a mad person.... like having stoke inside of my heart n mind... i can't think right, i can't feel right about it... i can't think positive even if i want to...so badly... God, i'm worrying...i'm worrying...i'm worrying...and i'm in suffering... God...why it is always hard on me?? why...

s.o.m.b.o.n.g

s.o.m.b.o.n.g as a human, sombong is a very dangerous word.... sombong brings conceit, might as well mean it...and brings a whole ego, underestimate others, and self-center. sombong brings a person who tries nowhere... sombong never help a person to get what they wanted... sombong will only bring a person down, bring a person to the deepest dark of one heart... sombong can kill love, faith, hope, and dream.... sombong will never create success as well as drag it away... a person with sombong is so far from God, mad at God and even...

my syndrome while study

''I find that a concentrated atmosphere helps a concentration of thought'' --- S. Holmes --- so i guess my syndrome is not odd at all...obviously...i can't study in a library...always need a quiet room!!!! and that is practical ever since...i can't concentrate in a wide open place...or with people and even with musics... to find this in a totally fiction story book...might as well insane, but Sherlock Holmes is one of my idol...so i guess this syndrome of him...make sense to me;ppp hehehe soon...i really hope to have a very nice table of...

waiting is torturing....really

...

what if...

what if i choose upm back then?? what if i choose to make it easier on others compare to my self? what if i don't think about my dream back then but thinking about my mum... if so...now that i already blessed with crowd of animals' knowledge, frens and whole lots more exciting life in kl... i am now will be stressing out bout my first test...now that i am trying my best to say i like this...i like this...i love this... compare to know that i have been dwelling with uncertainty and already risk half 100 grand...for uncertainty... now that i can...

bless is all i need~

i would love to think n do.... if only got chance... nice to be able to materialize your idea... nicer if God bless it... nicer if it is blessed....

die is even an option...

she doesn't like me... every inch of me...she hates it... how am i suppose to change?? rebirth is even simpler... if only i could die...and rebirth as someone she wanted...i will... or maybe just vanish....so her world will be more beautiful...less burden...no...not just less...NO burden at all.. such a carefree life she'll get...God, stop torturing my love...You might as well eliminate most sin person in the world...just a word from u...i will be gone...she will be happy...world will be a nicer place...

Respect

my idea before...  RESPECT will be given to those with high education achiever,  good grades, pretty face n body, and good status of income... but the whole idea is wrong...very much indeed wrong... i misunderstand it...in a very wrong way! RESPECT will be given to those with good personality, good heart n good attitude... that is why they say, it needs to be earned... because you need to be a good person before you can...

i have only one...but like no one also~

i have only one sided door...only one side that is enough for me to pass through... others might have 2...to pass through freely without worries... but mine...only one...narrow one...and it's barely opened... that's why i barely go out...i barely feel freedom...like i never have a door to see world outside... so dark in here...so lonely...so cold... when it's going to open??? will it ever open...

ottokaji??

ottokaji?ottoke?? i am in the dark for quite sometime...but tonight, i cry to the heart content...n i see something... i see my self...why am i so lonely?why am i so helpless?n why am i so pathetic being played by fate? n why i can't angry...why i can't pissed off...n why i can't blame anyone...but me i choose it...from the choices God let me have...but actually to be clear...the is no choice to make...because in your life...the thing u want is actually 1 thing...the other that make it becomes 'lists' is just surrounding, family, friends and a...